After all, the reason IEPs (Individual Education Plans) exist is because our kids have atypical learning needs. In my daughter’s case, she has fewer milestones to hit and more resources and time to hit them. This might sound like it makes things easier, but when you factor in the disabilities she and students like her have (such as dyslexia, working memory issues, processing deficits, dyscalculia and ADHD), teaching becomes a challenge that can easily frustrate and overwhelm parents like me.

In my experience, nothing can replace the expertise of a trained professional – someone who has the skills and experience our kids need. But if your access to these educators has disappeared or become limited, you can still find resources that will help you feel better about supporting your child’s learning. Here are a few:

General Support

Help for parents of kids with LDs, including links to blogs and books

Life success for students with Learning Disabilities: a Parent’s Guide

Parent resources for building math skills at home: video with transcript and free download from LD At Home

15 suggestions for challenging education’s status quo and becoming your child’s best advocate

Homeschooling Your Struggling Learner: a book by Kathy Kuhl

Smart But Scattered: the Revolutionary “Executive Skills” Approach to Helping Kids Reach Their Potential: a book by Peg Dawson and Richard Guare.

Online Learning Resources

12 websites for children with Learning Disabilities: reading and math

Personalized exercises to help students K-2 develop skills in phonics, word recognition and comprehension

Empower Reading: a series of reading intervention programs designed by SickKids Hospital

Four levels of expertly developed decodable books that motivate young learners and help them read and think about texts

A list of literacy apps for children with dyslexia, ADHD and autism spectrum disorder

A list of apps that address foundational skills, increase social, emotional and organizational skills

AAA Math, recommended for students with dyscalculia, removes the frustration associated with difficult concepts like division, ratios and graphing

Recommended by dyscalculia.org (an organization dedicated to the advancement, understanding and treatment of learning disabilities in math) this list of apps and tools can help students develop key skills.

ADHD-focused Resources

Sample schedule and resources for elementary-level learners with ADHD

Virtual parent support group for children with ADHD (members only, memberships start at $10)

A 3-step plan to help your child develop useful study and organization habits

26 of the best ADHD homework strategies (free download)

10 tips for boosting executive function 

There are few things harder than watching your child struggle, especially if you feel powerless to help them. So cut yourself some slack and remember: you don’t have a teaching degree and you’re not expected to know how to do this. We’re all just doing our best. Focus on relationships instead of routines and results, and you’ll get through this.

The post Resources for Parents of Kids With ADHD and Learning Disabilities appeared first on The Mabelhood.

Using new brain science to explain how our modern lifestyle is completely at odds with our girls’ unique psychological needs, author Donna Jackson Nakazawa provides crisp, digestible insights and advice that are easy for the layperson or the stressed-out, at her wit’s end parent to understand and put into action.

Why do we need this book?
It is estimated that one in four adolescent girls suffers from symptoms of major depression. Girls and young women are also twice as likely as their male counterparts to suffer from anxiety and, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that suicide attempts among this cohort recently increased by 51 percent.

According to Jackson Nakazawa, it wasn’t until 2016 that mental health studies began to factor sex differences into their work. Until then, it was assumed that male study subjects would provide results that applied to everyone. But —surprise, surprise—female biology does affect how stress is processed by the brain, especially during puberty and adolescence when girls’ brains are undergoing rapid development and significant changes are happening.

Recalling a study conducted by researchers at Johns Hopkins and Harvard medical schools, Jackson Nakazawa notes that the three-way link between cortisol stress levels, epigenetic shifts in genes that lead to greater susceptibility to stress, and increased feelings of despair, exists only in women and teenage girls.

Why is raising girls harder now?
To answer the question “why is being and raising a girl so much harder now?” Jackson Nakazawa argues that pressure to perform, compete, and to present a certain image on social media has robbed our girls of the time and space to develop emotionally, socially, and physically. She writes:

“Early exposure to external judgement, hierarchical evaluation, and critiquing is happening during the most vulnerable window in brain development.”

Add to this, environmental fears like school shootings, climate change, and the never-ending reality of violence against women, and it becomes clear that an entire generation of girls is growing up in a toxic, trigger-rich environment.

It’s more than the anti-social media debate
But Girls on the Brink does more than pile on to the anti-social media debate. It adds valuable context by explaining how brain science and environment create a perfect storm for adolescent girls. Quoting a prominent neuroscientist in the study of sex differences in early brain development, Jackson Nakazawa connects the earlier than ever onset of puberty to the loss of “a crucial period of safe developmental maturity.” In other words, “Now, suddenly, hormones come in too early, during a very sensitive time, and begin to revamp everything before the brain is developmentally ready to go through that rewiring process.” Girls’ brains, therefore, may be opening up at the wrong time.

In addition to describing the relevance of brain science, Jackson Nakazawa also explains how a lack of social safety (namely, interpersonal stress and social rejection) can be a strong predictor of depression in teens. And once again, it’s girls who feel this most acutely. The biological imperative to have and look after children helped females evolve with a keen sense of alertness to social threats. And while this was helpful when we relied on our fellow tribe members to stay safe, sheltered and fed, it can have a negative effect on today’s girls by sending their immune systems into overdrive at even the slightest hint of ostracism from the group. Feeling unsafe—no matter how she interprets that, can change a girl’s brain.

The reality is especially troubling for girls who experienced early adversity. Through a process known as gene expression, or epigenetics (find additional information on how it affects childhood development here), it is now known that our experiences and our biography can become our biology. And the two most crucial times for this are during fetal development and puberty. And for girls, the effects of adversity may not be known until the onset of puberty, thanks to estrogen’s ability to ignite any underlying inflammatory processes that cause chronic stress to begin manifesting in the brain.

The old adage ‘what doesn’t kill you makes stronger’ may not actually be true when it comes to children, argues Jackson Nakazawa, writing:

Twenty-five years of literature on adverse childhood experiences tells us that toxic stress in childhood doesn’t give kids grit or make them stronger or tougher. It reduces their well-being for life by slowly shifting the nervous system to a high-alert response and breaking down the immune system. Over time, this affects not just the body but also the brain, in harmful ways that can alter a child’s promise across a lifetime.

The good news is positive stimuli can have just as powerful impact on a girl’s brain as negative stimuli. Which means there are things we can do that will make a difference, and Jackson Nakazawa helpfully describes 15 such strategies in the second half of her book. She also cautions parents not to overestimate their ability to know what their child is thinking, pointing to studies that prove parents can’t always distinguish between normal ups and downs and depression.

Understanding our girls is the key to raising them. Understanding what they’re experiencing and coping with is the key to raising them with compassion. Knowledge is power. Without it, we may be left in a constant state of fear and frustration over confounding behavior and alarming mental health problems. If you read one ‘parenting’ book this year, make it Girls on the Brink.

The post Why “Girls on the Brink” Should be Required Reading for All Parents. appeared first on The Mabelhood.

For adults:

The best last-minute gift is one that doesn’t require shipping or pick up and lands straight in the recipient’s inbox, allowing him or her to choose exactly what they want. Gifters can easily purchase gift cards to hundreds of brands, restaurants, and retailers directly from their site, or through Amazon or giftcards.com

Subscription boxes are fun to receive and unbox, and all you need to present to your recipient at the time of gifting is proof of purchase and maybe a small token item in keeping with the theme of the box (because presentation matters.) Crate joy, a one-stop online shop for gifts and subscriptions (including those from female and BIPOC-owned businesses), caters to a variety of ages, themes and interests including self-care, wellness, family fun, cocktails, food, books, and date nights.

Home goods and furnishings retailer Wayfair offers fast 2-day shipping on thousands of items, and free shipping within the US for orders $35+. Shopping for someone who recently moved, renovated, or updated their space? Check out Wayfair’s selection of bar accessories, décor and pillows, small kitchen appliances, and pet accessories. Whatever it is you’re after, Wayfair has you covered with incredible selection and the promise of timely arrivals.

For *just* $20, Nordstrom will ship your purchase the next business day if you order by noon ET, meaning you can go ahead and splurge on that Nest candle for your sister, the Stanley insulated travel tumbler for your hubby, or the UGG slingbacks your bestie has been eyeing since 2020. Not in a rush? Order by 8 pm ET on December 17 and choose FREE standard shipping at check-out.

You probably don’t need us to tell you this but Target not only has, well, everything, but it also offers free 2-day shipping on purchases of $35 or more, or purchases made with your beloved red card. This year we’re loving the Mr. Coffee iced coffee maker with reusable tumbler (for under $35!), this awesome collection of holiday family pajamas (starting at just $7), and—for the person who always wants to borrow your charger—a variety of Apple Tech accessories that will never go unappreciated. Download the Target app to purchase online and take advantage of fast shipping or in-store pick-up to avoid the lines and crowds.

If you had every intention of finding not only the perfect gift, but the perfectly unique gift, a stroll down the virtual aisles of uncommon goods is a must. Not only do they carry a nearly unparalleled collection of gadgets, décor, and must-haves for all ages, but you’ll also find a wide range of edible delights that are perfect for the foodie and/or the perpetual host or hostess. Expedited 1–2-day shipping will run you $19.95 but it’s worth it if you know someone who’d absolutely love a Whiskey-making kit, these gorgeous (and delicious) mimosa sugar cubes, or these gourmet, Belgian chocolate peanut butter cups.

For Kids and Teens:

Experiences make a great gift, especially for busy kids who like to get out and explore the world. And best of all, experiences don’t clutter up the toy box or family room. For the kid(s) on your list, consider a ticket, day pass or membership to your local zoo, amusement or water park, art gallery, museum, theatre, restaurant, or sporting event.

For the cooler-than-you’ll-ever-be teen or tween, Urban Outfitters is THE place to shop. Bonus #1: there’s always tons of stuff on sale. Bonus #2: Hail Mary 1-2 business day shipping is available for a whopping $24.95 (consider it an investment in never making that mistake again.) For the hard to buy for teen or tween, UO’s Top 50 Gifts list includes a remote sun projector (for the perfect moody selfie, obviously); this Girls Do Everything Better baby tee (available in 3 colours, sizes XS-L), and this disco ball light-up wireless speaker for in-room dance parties.

For the nature and animal lover, a symbolic adoption from the World Wildlife Fund means support for more than 100 species. Each “adoption” includes a certificate that’s emailed right away and a plush replica that’s sent by mail. If you’re outside the WWF shipping cut-off (Dec 14 for delivery by Dec 24), print or forward the certificate, then surprise your recipient with the toy when it arrives.

When you think of Best Buy you probably think of middle-aged men wandering aimlessly, but the retailer’s terrific free next day delivery option makes it a great spot to shop for last minute gifts. Whether your recipient is into plush toys, collectibles, STEM and educational toys, trading cards, LEGO and building toys you’re likely to find something at Best Buy.

I might be projecting here, but I think an Etsy gift card is a pretty great gift, especially considering all the amazing shops for kids on the site, including kid-owned Zandra Beauty, (plant-based skin care in dynamic, self-affirming packaging); countless slime and foam shops, personally engraved baseballs, and so much more. Support a small business and let your recipient select something s/he couldn’t find anywhere else. Win win!

Subscription boxes aren’t just for adults! To give the gift that keeps on giving (and might end up on TikTok), consider Bookroo’s Tween Book Club Box for kids 7-10 and 9-12;  The Kids Craft, a monthly DIY craft box for kids 3-9; Little Feminist, a female-owned company that curates inclusive stories by LGBTQI  and POC writers; and Brick Loot featuring LEGO bricks, sets and minifigures.

And don’t forget the labels to help them keep track of all their new stuff! Mabel’s Labels has FREE Shipping, always! From now until Dec 16th you can get a FREE SHIPPING UPGRADE!

The post 13 Last-Minute Gifts (That Look Anything But) appeared first on The Mabelhood.

Back then, no one my age questioned the Thanksgiving narrative, which was more giant potluck and trading of essential goods, rather than genocide, colonization, and smallpox. Given that Indigenous peoples are still suffering from the violence white colonizers inflicted on their people, their land, and their way of life, it can be difficult to feel celebratory around Thanksgiving. In fact, Native Americans and their supporters have been gathering in Plymouth on Thanksgiving Day since 1970 to acknowledge a National Day of Mourning. 

Focus on family

To reconcile the origins of Thanksgiving with its modern-day celebratory vibe, we can focus on family, togetherness, and gratitude. We can also acknowledge and mourn the past while taking time to reflect.
We can also actively support Indigenous communities in several ways, such as:

1. Attend or livestream the event from Plymouth, Massachusetts.
2. Research and discover what Native bands or tribes occupied the land we now live on and visit by going to Native Land Digital or downloading the app. The map covers the US, Canada, much of Mexico, Australia, South Africa, and some of South America.
3. Consult this list of resources to understand and honor the legacy of residential schooling that created systemic disparities in wealth and health and forced-family separations—the impacts of which are still reverberating to this day.
4. For younger children, purchase or borrow from the library age-appropriate books that are culturally sensitive and help children learn about Indigenous peoples, family traditions, food, and the tradition of gratitude associated with Thanksgiving. This list includes 7 books written from the Native perspective.
5. Start your holiday shopping early by supporting Indigenous-owned or led businesses. Find high-quality, cruelty-free cosmetics at Cheekbone Beauty; jewelry and accessories at Indi City; comfortable street wear at Urban Native Era; stunning silk scarves at B. Yellowtail; blankets at Beyond Buckskin; and organic, Fair-Trade coffee at Birch Bark Coffee Co.

Make beautiful, colorful culturally appropriate crafts such as beaded corn, Martha Stewart-approved corn husk dolls, dream catchers and feather necklaces.

Since there was likely no stuffing, pumpkin pie or even turkeys at the first Thanksgiving, you can also liven up your table with traditional dishes like succotash, bison meatballs, fry bread, or authentic blue corn tamales.

Happy Thanksgiving.

If we need a reminder of how thankful we are to be parents, here it is

The post How to Have a Culturally Appropriate Thanksgiving appeared first on The Mabelhood.

What is a must-have in my house, is an advent calendar. Although my kids would disagree, it’s not about the toy or the chocolate; it’s about the daily reminder that the second-most magical season of the year is upon us. (The first being back to school, obviously.) Opening that tiny, perforated square is a chance to pause and appreciate what a special time Christmas and Hanukkah are, and to build excitement not just for stockings and toys, but for time together and (if we’re really lucky), the true meaning of the season.

So here are 22 of our favorite advent calendars for kids; from toddlers to big kids – plus 3 bonus suggestions that are sure to be hits but have yet to go on sale. Grab them before they’re gone!

TOYS & COLLECTIBLES

LEGO

At the time of writing, LEGO’s Canadian site has 5 advent calendars available for purchase in various themes, including Star Wars, Guardians of the Galaxy, Harry Potter, LEGO City and LEGO Friends. $49.99-$59.99

Hot Wheels

This calendar includes 8 tiny cars (smaller than normal Hot Wheels cars) and 16 accessories “for car enthusiasts.” And the box converts to a play mat even before it’s empty. $27.98.

Schleich Horse Club

The six-piece playset is part of the new Sofia’s Beauties line from Schleich Horse Club and includes a salon with turntable, two toy horses with brushable manes and tails, two posable characters, and a Maltipu puppy figure. $31.98.

National Geographic Rock, Mineral & Fossil

Put an awesome, science-themed twist on the holidays with 25 specimens including genuine rocks, minerals, and fossils and a complete quartz point dig kit. Includes fascinating facts about each specimen, and a storage pouch to keep all their precious new treasures in one place (and off the floor.) $33.99

Playmobil NHL

Your favourite hockey fan will love counting down to Christmas with this Playmobil NHL Advent Calendar. The Road to the Stanley Cup® advent calendar features 3 adult figures and 2 child figures, NHL flags, practice goal, puck bag and pucks, coach, Stanley Cup, bench, cones, and plenty of other fun hockey accessories. $28.04.

Play-Doh

Sorry, not sorry. Kids will delight in opening 24 perforated doors each hiding a 1-ounce can of red, green, blue, white, and fun surprise tools. There’s also one 2-ounce can of white Play-Doh Sparkle compound (contains wheat). The box has tear-off playmats with snowman and gingerbread scenes to improve the fun. $33.99

Fidget Toys

24 fun surprises await your little jumping bean every day with this Fidget Toys Advent Calendar set that features the best tactile toys—in miniature form. $39.99

POPULAR SHOWS & CHARACTERS

Barbie

The Barbie advent calendar includes 24 different fashions and accessories, and one Barbie doll (12-in/30.40-cm). The package has a fun fashion theme and can be used as a display or backdrop for even more storytelling play. $47.18

Elf on the Shelf

The Elf on the Shelf Advent Train comes complete with 24 Christmas tree farm-themed surprises, including 10 elf and elf mini pets, a plastic train engine, 5 plastic train cars, and more. Perfect for the family who hasn’t retired their elf (yet.) $39.54

Paw Patrol

This Paw Patrol advent calendar is packed with 24 surprise holiday-themed Paw Patrol toys. Once all 24 days have been opened, kids can create an Adventure Bay snow day and send the pups and their friends on exciting holiday missions. Available for pre-order for $29.74.

Fisher-Price Little People

What’s behind the door today? Toddlers will love discovering a new Little People friend or fun, holiday-themed accessory each day as Christmas comes closer. By December 24th, they’ll have a whole new set of holiday toys! You can even use the Little People Advent Calendar to practice numbers and counting skills with your toddler. $39.97

Star Wars Holiday Funko

Open the tiny doors to reveal 24 unique Funko Pocket Pops! featuring some beloved Star Wars characters dressed in their winter best. Collectibles vary in height depending on the character. The maximum figure height is approximately 2.1″ tall. Available for pre-order. $59.49

DÉCOR 

Arts & Crafts

Engage your child in a daily arts and crafts session with this creative calendar that features everything she needs to make a different handmade decoration every day. Comes with a colourful manual with easy, step-by-step instructions. Recommended for ages 9 and up. $44.95

Crayola

Kick off the season with 24 daily activities to help kids colour their world. The calendar includes 5 doodle scents markers, 1 twistables slick stix, 4 glitter crayons, 4 metallic crayons, 6 paint pots, 1 paint brush, model magic, 2 washable window markers, 1 pip squeaks marker, 20 googly eyes, 1 glitter glue stick, 1 tip sharpener, 19 paper sheets, 1 envelope, 3 sticker sheets, 1 instruction sheet, 3 ribbon pieces, 1glitter glue tube … and a partridge in a pear tree (okay, maybe not the last one.) $49.99

Tree Ornaments

This gorgeous, box-shaped calendar is handmade and features 24 adorable, holiday-themed modeling clay ornaments ranging from 3-4 cm tall. It’s a great way to refresh your tree ornaments or for kids to decorate their rooms. The calendar is reusable too, so you can fill it with your own treats and treasures next year. $61.66

And for the stressed-out teen or tween, this 24 Days of Elfcare calendar is where self-care meets holiday celebration. Every day of this advent countdown offers a humorous and encouraging dose of “elf-care” and a pop-out elf ornament to hang on the tree or add to your holiday decor. $19.99 USD.

CANDY & CHOCOLATE

Hanukkah Countdown Daily Treat Box

This unique Hanukkah gift is packaged in a hexagon gift box where 6 individual treat boxes filled with sweet delights await! Includes a dreidel and chocolate gelt – 8 days of treats in all. When the boxes are assembled together, the display creates the shape of the Star of David to display as a centerpiece or mantel decoration. Treats include gumballs, sixlets, Lindor truffles, jelly beans, chocolate kisses, and ice blue mints. All items are Kosher. $26.95

Lindt Chocolate

Indulge in 24 days of delicious Lindt milk chocolate crafted specially by Lindt Maître Chocolatiers. The Lindt website currently offers 5 versions of a holiday advent calendar for kids and adults alike, including the iconic gold-foil Lindt Teddy. Prices range from $14.99-$21.99.

Kinder Bueno

How can you go wrong with 24 days of milk, white and dark chocolate wafers nestled within a hazelnut filling and covered in creamy chocolate? $9.88.

Nestle Chocolate

Counting down to Christmas just got sweeter with NESTLÉ’s North Pole Friends Holiday Advent Calendar featuring different SMARTIES, AERO, and KITKAT treats behind each door. Travel the world with Santa by counting down the days and discover a new seasonal greeting from around the globe. All treats are individually wrapped and made with natural flavours. $9.98.

Sugarfina

At $69.99 this one’s a splurge, but each of the 24 drawers contains 4 pieces of candy so it’s perfect for the family, or for siblings to share. Items from this deluxe tasing collection include dark chocolate sea salt caramels, sprinkle cookies, heavenly sours, peach hearts, and MUCH more. No two doors are alike!

8 Nights of Delight Taster Box, by Sugarfina

Celebrate Hanukkah by enjoying a delicious taster collection that only Sugarfina can provide. Packaged in a beautiful blue box, each day includes four pieces of kosher candy or chocolate, including sea salt caramels, sugar cookies and sours. $39.99.

KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR …

At the time of writing, these sure-to-be-popular calendars were available for pre-order or ‘Coming Soon’, so keep an eye out!

Minecraft – $36.54

Jurassic World – $35.69

Funko Classic Disney – $59.49

Now that you’re thinking ahead to the Holidays- don’t forget your Holiday cards, here are some tips to remember.

The post Best Advent Calendars for Kids appeared first on The Mabelhood.

I thought about living in Trump’s America, and about guns, school shootings, and the cost of health care. But never in my wildest, most fevered nightmares did I ever imagine I was moving my daughters to a place where they’d grow up having fewer rights than I or their grandmother did.

Usually, it’s not that hard to convince ourselves we’re safe. Bad things happen everywhere but statistically, they’re unlikely to happen to us. But all that’s changed with the Supreme Court’s repeal of Roe vs. Wade. Now, the bad thing is at our doorstep.

So how do I raise my daughters in a country that doesn’t respect them; a country that punishes them for having a uterus? How do we stomach living in a place that allows for the criminalization of abortion in the name of ‘protecting children’ but not the weapon used to slaughter them in their classrooms?

 How do we go on living and believing in a country that would rather see us carry our rapist’s baby to term than allow us to terminate the pregnancy (and where the penalty for doing so is often more severe than the penalty for rape itself?) All of this is on top of the fact that health care is widely cost-prohibitive, and mandatory maternity leave and affordable childcare scarcely exist. In other words, the United States is now a country that forces women to become mothers but gives them no material support when it comes to carrying, birthing, and raising that child.

So, I ask, in all seriousness, without an ounce of sarcasm: what kind of a country is this? What kind of “Supreme” Court can claim to be pro-life, pro-children, when this is the world it’s creating?

Make no mistake: this is a war on women, and anyone who dismisses this claim as inflammatory rhetoric should consider that no one is talking about banning vasectomies. Also, because women are still – still – tasked with the lion’s share of childcare and domestic responsibilities (even when they hold full-time jobs themselves), forced birth, particularly if you’re already poor and otherwise marginalized, will ensure we remain trapped in poverty for generations.

And next time someone says, ‘well if you don’t want a baby, don’t have sex,’ allow me to point out that the states whose sex education revolves around abstinence have—drumroll please— the highest number of teen pregnancies.

As I said, I used to worry about the shootings. In 2019, the year we moved stateside, there were more mass shootings (417) than days of the year. As of June 2, not a single week in 2022 has gone by without a mass shooting (defined as incidents where four or more victims are injured or killed).

In my mind, this is a reason to be concerned. But every time my kids show apprehension, I reassure them that statistically, it’s unlikely to happen to us.

And when they ask how the shooter managed to get the gun (which must be illegal, right mom?) I explain the Second Amendment and America’s belief in the right to bear arms.

And when they press me on why someone would ever need or want that kind of gun except to kill people, I explain how the AR-15 has become—against all reason—not just a symbol, but the symbol of American democracy. In other words, it’s not the gun, it’s the point.

But on the repeal of Roe vs. Wade, I have no comfort to offer. No amount of spin, placating, or the surgical implantation of rose-coloured glasses can make this make sense. And like many of us, I’m tired. I’m tired of putting on a brave face and pretending everything’s going to be okay because I’m not sure it will be this time. Living in a country where abortion is no longer a constitutionally protected right is not okay and I can’t pretend otherwise. I’m angry, and I want my kids to be angry. I want them to get it, to understand that a handful of ivory tower lawmakers have not just denied but actively taken away their right to self-determination.

Simply put, I won’t cover for you anymore, America. I’m done pretending you’re the land of free expression and opportunity, and that there isn’t a gaping disconnect between what you claim to stand for and reality.

The repeal of Roe vs. Wade means one-half of the human race is no longer guaranteed the right to self-determination, the right to protect itself from harm. You don’t have to have a uterus or daughters to know this is wrong. You don’t even have to be pro-abortion to know this is wrong. Because – newsflash, if you don’t believe in abortion, you don’t have to have one. It’s a beautiful and elegant solution, if only we could all live and let live.

But that’s not the American way. The American way is to enforce our beliefs and our will upon others; it is to turn our backs on those who need freedom and autonomy the most, who need laws that protect and support them instead of holding their heads underwater.

Ironically, our move from Canada to the U.S. was about doing what was best for the family. But I can no longer convince myself that opportunities like travel, employment, and education are worth it. So many exciting new experiences are within my children’s reach, but if they don’t have fundamental rights, how much does any of it really matter?


Looking for ways to help your girls feel more empowered? Click here for some good reads for girls.

The post I Won’t Cover for You Anymore, America appeared first on The Mabelhood.

What has two feet, carries a backpack full of documents, and cries constantly?

Answer: Me, travelling during a pandemic.

For the past two summers, my two kids and I have travelled from our home in Las Vegas back to Ontario, Canada, where we’re from. Each trip ended the same way: with me swearing I will never, EVER, travel during a pandemic again. From cancelled flights and pricey rental cars to the multiple covid tests, grumpy customs officers, and mandatory quarantine, pretty much every step was a nightmare. Oh, and did I mention we were travelling with a dog?

Pandemic Gods willing, this will not be our reality this summer because – fingers crossed – there’s no new variant on the horizon and restrictions are easing. But that’s not to say travel will return to its pre-pandemic state anytime soon (when everything was just a major inconvenience and not a full-blown dystopian nightmare. Under his eye.)

It’s been forever since most of us went anywhere more exotic than the grocery store but with March break approaching, Easter weekend after that and summer vacation hot on its heels, more and more families are cautiously considering travel beyond their city limits. If this is you, keep reading for eight essential tips that will help you deal with the unpredictable, ever-changing, (possibly character-building?) ordeal, that is traveling with children during a pandemic.

1. Know the Testing, Mask and Vaccine Requirements in Your Area:

If you need a negative test, remember that not all tests are the same, and not every testing location offers every type of test. Furthermore, not every test is accepted by every airline or country. Therefore, you need to know exactly what type of test you need, what the testing window is (ie. when to get it so it’s still valid when you need it to be), and how long results will take. Then make sure you have the correct version of the negative test on hand, as some airlines or agents will insist on seeing the lab report, not just a cover page with your name and NEGATIVE stamped on it. Also review vaccine mandates and mask requirements for all ages, and be aware that these could change quickly and without notice.

2. Check and Double Check Your Information:

Be sure the identifying information on your covid test matches your travel documents. Last summer after CVS reversed the month and day of my daughter’s birthday, we spent an extra hour at the border trying prove her negative test was legit. What may not seem like a big deal to you can be a very big deal to a customs agent so before you leave the pharmacy or testing centre, make sure everything is accurate.

3. Be Flexible.

Expect things to go wrong. Not because you’re a pessimist, but because that seems to be the way of the world these days. If you’re going to travel in a global pandemic, even if things seem to be improving, it’s reasonable and prudent to expect changes, delays, and just more hassles in general. Being mentally and logistically prepared to go with the flow will help you stay calm and organized.

4. Know Your Cancellation Policies.

Whether you’re booking air travel, train tickets, car rentals or accommodations, make sure you know the cancellation or change policy. Some airlines are still offering one free change but that’s not as simple or as inexpensive as it sounds. For example, some third-party travel sites like Expedia require you to contact the airline directly in the event you need to change or cancel a flight. This takes time and patience. And of course, you’re on the hook in the likely event the fare price has increased since you booked. Be aware of other associated / hidden fees (change fees, service fees, if applicable) and how much of your payment or deposit you’ll be entitled to if you cancel.

5. Read the Fine Print, or Better Yet Call.

If you’re reserving activities and accommodations online, be aware that not all listings have updated their features and amenities lists to reflect Covid-era changes. For example, on a recent trip to the Grand Canyon, my kids were disappointed to find certain observation points closed, and I was disappointed to find the hotel bar hadn’t been open since 2020. Changing guidelines, capacity limits and nationwide staffing shortages mean not everything is operating at usual. If certain amenities are important to you, call to make sure they’re actually available before you book. 

6. Keep all your documents together, and close at hand.

Trying to find important information in the height of panic or frustration will only add to your angst, so have it at your fingertips. Test results, proof of vaccine, confirmation numbers, passports, copies of cancellation policies …  keep it all together in one folder and consider making copies and scanning and emailing them to yourself for back up.

7. Prepare the kids.

Don’t exclude the littles from your conversations about how travel might look different than it did last time. Pack extra activities and snacks and let them know to expect things like longer wait times and the possibility of Covid tests upon arrival. Assume everything will take longer than it did the last time you made this trip.

8. Be Chill Enough to Convince Your Family You’ve Been Body-Snatched.

There are things you can control (your attitude, how you react) and things you can’t (a global pandemic, the price of gas). When plans alter, as they inevitably will, you’re going to have to decide what’s a minor annoyance that can be dealt with and overcome, and what is cause for stowing away on a flight to Yemen. Your kids are watching, and every setback and frustration is an opportunity to model effective problem-solving and a positive attitude in the face of adversity.  

Make sure to keep your luggage safe too!

You’ve got this! 

The post 8 Tips for Smooth Covid-Era Travel appeared first on The Mabelhood.

“I know what I look like”, she told Vogue magazine. “What am I going to do about it? Stop aging? Disappear?”

Amen sister! I mean, considering the alternative to aging is, um, BEING DEAD, shouldn’t we be pleased about those wrinkles and sore backs?

SJP also took aim at social media where women are targeted for having too many wrinkles or none at all, and where brands and influencers encourage us to embrace our bodies exactly as they are, and in the next breath suggest expensive creams, scrubs, balms, lotions, and procedures because #selfcare. 

Surfing Instagram is a lot like shopping at Whole Foods: you’re enticed by the pretty colours and the possibility of living a better life. But in the end you’re left feeling broke, ugly, and strangely violated. Whether it’s with $17 blood oranges and placenta muffins or targeted beauty ads, both companies seem hellbent on making their customers aspire to be as young and hot as possible, which is a bummer for me because I just finalized the title of my forthcoming memoir: Old, Poor and Ugly.  

This week alone Instagram suggested a butt-load of makeup I might like, presumably to cover up the blemishes and barnacles that are an unavoidable reality of being a troll living under a bridge. Next up: Botox, Spanx, and Prevagen (in case I forget how fat and ugly I am). And yet, we don’t have to go far to find uplifting messages of self-love and self-affirmation on this same platform: Age is just a number! Your weight is not your worth!

So which is it?

In October, a Facebook company whistleblower testified before a U.S. Senate subcommittee that Instagram (which is owned by Facebook, now Meta) frequently prioritizes profit over the well-being of its users, many of whom are children. According to two leaked studies, 32% of teen girls said Instagram made them feel worse about their bodies, and another 17% said being on the platform made their eating disorders worse. Armed with this knowledge and my own experience, I decided to figure out how this works, exactly.

Turns out, companies use certain parameters and demographics like age, gender, and location, even hobbies and interests, to find an audience that’s most likely to buy their product. Then it’s just a matter of placing said product in front of them, in the form of an ad or sponsored content. Instagram’s algorithm genies also monitor the content we interact with, which means it can ‘suggest’ things each person might enjoy, such as fat cats trying to jump on chairs, and baby squirrels waterskiing. In other words, targeted ads also pop up because Instagram has decided if you liked or commented on this, you might also be interested in that. So anyone who shows any interest in so-called ‘beauty’ products should consider the waters of the Instagram marketplace well and truly chummed.

But here’s the rub: Instagram, like the rest of the world, has not evolved to the point it can recognize and understand the nuances, subjectivity, and individuality of beauty. Just because I want a sexy red lip doesn’t mean I want to blow my crow’s feet to smithereens. Just because I bought a product for dark under-eye circles, doesn’t mean I want a neck lift. And just because I’m still trying to lose the baby weight from the kids I adopted 10 and seven years ago doesn’t mean I want an intermittent fasting program.

And while we’re add it, can we talk about the phrase ‘aging gracefully’? According to dictionary.com, gracefully means in a way characterized by elegance or beauty of form, manner, movement, or speech. And there’s that sneaky word again: beauty. Grace means beauty. ‘Aging gracefully’ means staying beautiful, conforming, and clinging to traditional beauty standards as long as one can. And that’s just not my vibe.

Even the language we use to talk about beauty and aging has direct connotations to conflict: ‘Fight’ those wrinkles; ‘Banish’ signs of aging; ‘Eliminate’ greys; ‘Destroy’ fat cells. Aging is inevitable, this we have our heads around. But many of us, myself included, are determined to do it on our terms. We don’t need Instagram to suggest products that make us feel like we should be waging a war against Father Time (of course he’s a father) 24/7.

The line (if there is one) between beauty and self-care exists in a different place for all women. Taking the time to put on makeup in the morning is, for me, an act of self-care because when I look slightly more beautiful than a turkey vulture, I tend to feel better about myself, and when I feel better about myself everyone around me wins. It may be different for you, and that’s okay. But don’t let Instagram’s ads convince you ‘battling fine lines’ is about self-care if your fine lines aren’t keeping you up at night.

Next time social media tries to sell you a bird poop facial or a $75 vagina candle (really, Gwyneth?) don’t fall for it! Put down your phone and do some yoga. Or go for a walk, just not to Whole Foods.

The post Targeted Instagram Ads are Ruining My Life appeared first on The Mabelhood.

After devouring the first three episodes of And Just Like That, the Sex and the City reboot that premiered last week, the nicest thing I can say is that I’m glad HBO isn’t releasing all the episodes at once because I’m not sure I could stomach more than forty-five minutes in one sitting. I like my bad television the same way I like my children: in small doses.  

Yes, it’s that bad.

One Dimensional

To be fair, I was never a die-hard SATC fan; therefore, I’m not inclined to cut the reboot some slack simply because of nostalgia. Nor can I give the awkward dialogue and overall cringy vibe a pass because hey, at least they’re trying. Shows about women in their fifties may not dominate our streaming platforms, but that’s no reason to give AJLT an ‘A’ for effort. The show has missed a golden opportunity to reconnect with its loyal fanbase by peeling back the layers of wisdom and experience women of a certain age possess. Instead, each character has devolved into a one-dimensional trope. 

Sex and the City was never about relatability. It was aspirational, single life on steroids. It was a formula that worked. But now the show’s writers have dropped the women up middle-age creek without a paddle, and I can’t figure out why. Are they punishing them for aging? Does no one really believe women in their fifties can make for interesting storylines? Did someone ding a writer’s car in the parking lot?

Navigating the events of midlife is at the heart of what AJLT is trying to do, but the effect is awkward and stunted. It’s as though all the show has to say about women in their fifties is that they’re wildly out of touch. By repeatedly poking fun at cancel culture, AJLT blatantly mocks its characters as well as its audience. But the women aren’t in on the joke, and the result is an audience that’s laughing at them, not with them. 

Charlotte

Take Charlotte, who’s gone from being adorably prissy and mildly neurotic, to a full-fledged Manhattan Tiger mom who obsesses over her family’s matching outfits. Three episodes in, Charlotte is firmly established as a selfish helicopter parent incapable of recognizing her own emotional instability. As for Miranda, her cringe-worthy attempts at being ‘woke’ come off like a workplace seminar on inclusivity: forced and insincere. The once sarcastic, self-assured lawyer now frets obsessively over how to deal with everything from her classmates’ preferred pronouns to her own hair colour. 

Sigh. 

Miranda

Miranda is clearly going through something, but the show’s writers seem more committed to box-ticking than letting her character get real. Designer clothes, shoes, and upscale apartments will only keep the audience around for so long. There has to be good writing. And unfortunately for fans of SATC, it just isn’t there in the reboot. It’s like all three women have just crawled out of a cave asking what year it is. They’ve aged, but they haven’t grown. Two decades of cultural change have come and gone, but Miranda still can’t believe Black female law professors exist, Charlotte is gobsmacked that not all girls want to wear florals and Carrie is still, STILL, reduced to a quivering, insecure mess in the face of Natasha, Big’s ex.  

Creating good, strong, authentic female characters used to be a near-universal problem in film and television, but things have improved over the past decade or two. Women are no longer just the wife, girlfriend, or secretaries. We have thoughts, opinions, and jobs – big important ones! But And Just Like That has catapulted us back to the dark ages with this bizarre Leave it to Beaver meets Desperate Housewives mash-up  

If memory serves, Sex and the City had both style and substance, whereas And Just Like That has only style. And maybe that’s by design; maybe I shouldn’t assume stories about older women must be told with gravitas. Maybe the joke’s on me. But I can’t shake the feeling that the writers of AJLT are trying to make these characters as one-dimensional as possible as if to prove (or remind us) that women of a certain age just aren’t that interesting and that their (first world) problems are entirely of their own making. 

No one is mad the characters aged, it’s what they’ve become

Are we being punished for wanting to see how midlife is treating Carrie, Miranda, and Charlotte? Are the writers sitting around their table saying, “Okay, you asked for it,” and cracking their knuckles malevolently? Oddly (given the finished product), the writers’ table is stacked with women, including one of the best and most hilarious writers I know: Samantha Irby. And yet the fingerprints of the show’s male creators and producers seem to be everywhere.

And Just Like That is only three episodes in, so maybe it will find its groove by the time the ten-episode run is over. And we all know sequels are never as good as the original (Just ask Sex and the City 2, the movie). But it’s discouraging to hear the stars of the show dismiss bad reviews as ageism because this is entirely missing the point. No one is mad the characters aged, we’re upset about who they’ve become, and that the show’s writers have pummeled Sex and the City’s ground-breaking legacy into dust. 

The post Why does “And Just Like That” Dislike Women So Much? appeared first on The Mabelhood.

Not in our homes, our workplaces, our neighborhood streets, clubs, schools, or anywhere else we dare to go. We’re not safe alone, or with strangers; we’re definitely not safe around the men who claim to love us.

As the media remains fixated on the story of Gabby Petito women everywhere are rolling their eyes at the wall to wall coverage because NOTHING about this story is new. It’s news but it’s not new news. If you don’t know that women go missing and get murdered all. The. Time. Then you haven’t been paying attention.

Gabby’s innocence and zest for life captured our hearts. We mourned the loss of her mega-watt smile and giant dimples. Gabby was both familiar and aspirational – the girl next door, the girl we wished we knew, and the girl we wished we were, all rolled into one; and this is a large part of what makes her story compelling. But’s it’s far from unique.

Here in the U.S., last week’s news was dominated by three big stories: Gabby’s as well as that of Alex Murdaugh (believed to have killed or arranged the killing of his wife and son) and Miya Marciano (allegedly murdered by her apartment maintenance man who gained entrance to her home dumped in the woods near her Florida home). Before that it was Sarah Everard (kidnapped, raped and murdered by a policeman while walking home) and Sabrina Nessa (kidnapped and murdered while making the five minute walk from her home to a nearby pub).

If you’re looking for a pattern among these tragedies, something that explains the why, don’t bother. There isn’t one.

There isn’t a common denominator other than the fact these women were, simply, women. We cannot chalk any woman’s murder up to ‘wrong place, wrong time’ because, increasingly, it seems that there is no right time or place to be a woman.

My brother, a raging feminist and one of the very few men I know who truly, truly understands the scope of the problem, likes to say that men shouldn’t be allowed out of the house unsupervised. He doesn’t have daughters. I mention this last part because “I understand, I have a daughter” or “As the father of daughters …” is a weak and common platitude often trotted in an attempt to demonstrate allyship and understanding. The sentiment is well-meaning, sure, but it’s also so very tone deaf because it unwittingly proves that many men locate women’s identities in relation to themselves which is of course part of the whole gender inequality conundrum that ultimately breeds so much violence against women.

The truth is, women are sitting ducks.

In the US in 2018, nine out of 10 female murder victims (92%) knew their offenders. Of these, 63% were wives or other intimate acquaintances of their killers. Eleven times as many females were murdered by a male they knew than were killed by male strangers. As well, 72% of all murder-suicides involve women and 94% of the victims in murder-suicides are women. Statistically, we’re safer outside our homes, but safer isn’t the same as safe.  

I think about my safety all the time. My favourite thing to do is to hike the mountains near my home. I like going with friends but I prefer trekking alone. I’ve seen rattlesnakes, scorpions and mountain lion tracks. I’ve walked narrow trails in deep, slippery snow with only luck and my own non-cat-like agility to save me from plunging over the edge. And still, my biggest fear is men: men hiking alone or in a small group. Friends have questioned the wisdom of trekking alone but I refuse to give into the fear. I cling to the statistics that say I’m safer among strangers, which is pretty bizarre thing to take comfort in.

At 23 I backpacked across Europe by myself. One of my most vivid memories is of being pawed on a city bus in Italy by two teenage boys who sat directly behind me, making sucking and kissing noises and pawing at me through the gap between seats. I was terrified. Praying they wouldn’t follow me off the bus and into the dark and unfamiliar streets (they didn’t) I exited the bus at my stop, shaking and in tears. Every woman I know has a story like this, and some have many of them. These experiences are so common that they’re rendered unremarkable.

Ironically, while I’m hiking, I like to listen to true crime podcasts. I haven’t completely unraveled the why behind this obsession – one I share with millions of others, mostly women – but I do think many of us are drawn to the genre by a “there but for the grace of God go I” type of thinking. Maybe we’re hoping to learn something that will help us keep ourselves safe. Perhaps we feel a perverse sense of relief at seeing bad things happen to other people, not us. Or maybe we’re drawn to the resolution at the end of many of these stories – the punishment of the offender; the sense of order and relief that comes from seeing bad people get what they deserve. I also think, completely illogically, that listening to true crime lessens the chance of my becoming a victim because dying violently would be a little too on-the-nose for someone so intrigued by stories of exactly that.

Despite being surrounded by actual violence and stories of violence, most women manage to live their lives normally. We’ve decided (or, more accurately, been forced to accept) that moving through the world (ie. merely existing), carries a certain level of risk.

Are all men dangerous? Of course not. But if we’ve learned anything from Shanann Watts, Susan Powell, Gabby Petito and thousands of others who met similar fates, it’s that the danger is often highest when we think we’re the safest. This is why we should be talking to our daughters less about stranger danger and more about safe and healthy relationship skills.

The discovery of human remains in the search for Brian Laundrie may mean that Gabby Petito’s story is winding down. But truthfully it’s only a matter of time before another one takes it place. The headlines might fade but the killings won’t stop because women aren’t safe in their homes and they’re not safe on the streets. They’re not safe with strangers and they’re not safe with the men they know.

For women, there’s no foolproof way to live. For women, there is no safe place.

The post How Gabby Petito’s case proves what women already knew. appeared first on The Mabelhood.