This is the first year that I have considered Elf on the Shelf. My daughter is now at an age where she’ll hear stories from classmates about the shenanigans their Elves are getting into. As an Elf newbie, I am considering whether I want to bring this relatively new tradition to my family. I just don’t know if I’m one of those families—an Elf family. 

This time of year, my sanity hangs like a heavy Christmas ornament on a floppy tree branch. The season is labor-intensive and stressful, and busy. You’re probably thinking I’m the Grinch. Maybe, just maybe, I’m a busy mom who isn’t sure I can manage Elf on the Shelf. Even though I want to, I just don’t know whether I can take on another daily task that involves creativity, props, and another item on the to-do list. To Elf or not to Elf, that is the question.

So I did what any over-thinking mom would do, I made a pros and cons list.

Elf on the Shelf pros and cons list:

• Pro -It brings joy into the household:  I want to bring that magic and fun into my house during the Christmas season. I want to see the joy on my daughter’s face when she sees the Elf mischief each morning.
• Pro- It’s a parenting right-of-passage: One of the benefits of social media is that we get an opportunity to share good memories, and Elf On The Shelf is one of those things. We see our feeds filling up daily with Elf high-jinks, funny stories of how moms almost forget to move him, and Elf tips & tricks. Elf-moms have other Elf-moms backs when it comes to needing advice.
• Pro- It’s creative:  Some moms get very creative, and that can be wonderful. There are 24 days of shenanigans for an Elf to get into!
• Pro- It keeps the kids inline:  A simple way to ensure the kids stay on their best behavior all month long, the Elf is watching. 

The downside of Elf on the shelf:

• Con- It’s controversial:  I’ve read a lot about the psychological effect of Elf on the shelf; it turns out it’s hugely controversial. Many moms struggle with the idea that an Elf is watching over their kids, and the motivation for good behavior all month long is based on a make-believe Elf. That’s a fair argument, but it still isn’t the basis of my hesitation (I’m not above bribery).
• Con- Does it still bring joy if I feel burdened? The magic over the Holidays only works if we can do it with enthusiasm. If we genuinely feel the joy, not the stress of it. 
• Con-Once you start, you can never go back: What if I forget to move it? What if I make a rookie mistake?  Sure, Pinterest is full of ideas and ways to get yourself out of an effing error, pardon me; an elfing error. But that alone takes effort- writing elf letters, broken legs. Do I want to make an Elf leg cast? (no, I don’t). Do I want to manipulate my handwriting to impersonate an Elf’s (nope) Do I want to create complex plot lines to keep the story going all month? (again, it’s a no)
• Con- It’s creative: There are 24 days of shenanigans for an Elf to get into. That’s a commitment.
• Con- It feels like a competition:  Sometimes it can feel as though posting daily Elf naughtiness is just a way to try and outdo one another. It couldn’t be a competition of Elf shenanigans, could it? (It could)

There you have it.

My self-care comes first. To be a good parent, a happy and enthusiastic parent, I need to set boundaries. I need to ensure that I don’t take on too much and burn out or feel resentful, which can quickly happen at this time of year. So, I asked myself one crucial question:

Does my child’s happiness over the Christmas season depend on how creative I get with an Elf? 

It absolutely does not. Children find magic in the simplest of things. Having a parent who doesn’t feel too stretched to enjoy those simple things with them. Carefully weigh your mental health vs. Elf on The Shelf.

We will get an Elf that will visit on weekends only. Friday and Saturday nights, the Elf will return from helping Santa and visit. The weekends when I’m more relaxed, and perhaps have enjoyed a glass of wine and am feeling a tad more creative. I can manage that.  It’s yet to be determined whether I’ll share any high-jinks on the ‘gram. If I do and you see my post know this- it’s not an Elfing competition, so manage your self-care before your elf-care.   

Post updated for 2023. 

The post The Pros and Cons of Elf on the Shelf; How I’m Choosing Self-Care Before Elf-Care appeared first on The Mabelhood.

1) Feel Good Goal
2) Accomplishment Goal
3) Connection Goal

Doing something that feels good, accomplishing a task and making a connection: These 3 things will benefit your mood greatly. Make a commitment to yourself that you will accomplish each of these daily. Add them to your calendar or share them with a friend/family member to make yourself accountable. But remember, the idea is to make them micro-goals, or goals that we can accomplish by using our imaginations to repurpose the time we do have. Let’s break our categories down even further:

Feel Good Goal

These are moments or activities in your day that make you feel good. Lately, many families have been struggling to interact in a positive way (guilty). Similar to the theory behind behavioural activation, this is a simple way to add some positive interactions into your day. This is the easiest goal to accomplish alongside your kids, it’s an easy one to slide into a 10 minute break from homeschooling or as the dinner simmers on the stove.  A feel good goal could be:

A dance party
Shake your sillies out, play loud upbeat music, stretch it out. The kids think it’s fun and it feels so good to move.

Time outside
Get your vitamin D, while the kids play, simply stand and take a few deep breaths of fresh air. Or pick up a ball (snowball or otherwise) and toss it around with the kids. They’ll be surprised to see you feeling happy and you’ll surprise yourself with how this positive, simple and short interaction can improve your mood.

Baking something yummy
Get the kids involved- don’t stress or worry about the mess, LET IT GO.  Just enjoy the moment. Louder for the clean freaks in the back… LET GO OF THE MESS and enjoy the moment.

Singing in the shower
Who cares who’s listening, in fact; sing even louder the kids will think it’s hilarious and you’ll feel good doing it.  

Accomplishment Goal

These are items that you need to do, they’re on your to-do list and are non-negotiable yet, they still sometimes slip through the cracks leading to bigger problems and greater stress. Like paying a bill for example, you know you need to get online to do it and yet you’ve procrastinated and now you have a late payment. Let’s stop this procrastination cycle. Prioritize one accomplishment goal each day. By completing your goal, you’ll actually save yourself time later with a bigger headache caused by letting these things slip through the cracks. An accomplishment goal is totally personal to what you have to do, but often can include things like:

-Weekly menu prep
-Online grocery order
-Bill payments
-Register the kids in their activities
-Book the doctor’s appointment  

Unfortunately, an accomplishment goal is often an item found on the invisible task list that moms feel burdened with. Until we’re able to start a motherhood revolution, just try your best to accomplish one per day. And always ask your partner for help, they don’t know what’s on the list, it’s invisible (and they can’t even find stuff when it’s right in front of them anyway).

Connection Goal

These goals are where you connect either with yourself or with someone else. It’s a time to reflect, or feel less alone in your worries. Many of these can be broken down to repurpose the time we do have. Connect with an old friend while driving or take your deep, restorative breaths while going pee (seriously, repurpose the time you have to make it a mood boosting moment). Some easy ways to achieve connection might be:

Taking a Walk
It is scientifically proven that a walk can boost your mood. Like any cardiovascular activity a walk will release endorphins to make you feel better and bust stress hormones so going for a walk can certainly be considered your connection goal. Take the dog out, walk to the mailbox or park the farthest parking spot from the store if you can’t find the time for a longer walk.

Friends with Benefits 
No, not that kind of benefits! Add a friend to your walk, and you’ll multiply the benefits! Studies show that talking with a supportive friend can have excellent cognitive benefits, in fact; the advantages to your brain are comparable to completing a crossword puzzle!  

Meditating
It doesn’t have to be trendy or fancy or even hard. A few deep breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth. When you start thinking about how you forgot to register your child for school, just acknowledge it and take another breath. Contrary to popular belief, meditation isn’t about not thinking, but more about acknowledging the thought and then letting it go. Like, yep, I forgot…but now I’ll take another deep breath. Visualise the breath coming in-and-out and make the breath what you think about. The benefits of a deep breath is your connecting with your body. When you’re relaxed your body automatically takes slow deep breaths. So what you’re doing is taking deep breaths first and tricking your nervous system into believing it’s relaxed. This can be done while you’re on the toilet, standing waiting for the coffee to brew or the very first few minutes of your day. No special rooms, no fancy candles or Tibetian singing bowls needed.

Calling a friend
When in doubt, call your mom. Studies show that talking it out, connecting with others (even a positive interaction with a stranger) can make us feel more connected to friends, family and our community which boosts our mood.

Sending a card or gift
Happy people do more for others (this doesn’t mean you need to take on more laundry at home) but it could mean sending a friend a quick message to say you miss seeing them, or send an eldery person on your street a bunch of flowers. Brighten your day, by making someone else’s a little brighter.  

Do yourself a favour and add one feel good, one accomplishment and one connection goal to your calendar today. By seeing these mood boosters as three little tasks, you won’t scare yourself away with the big picture. No, you don’t have the bandwidth to do it all, but maybe you can commit to sing in the shower, pay the phone bill and take the dog for a walk. Break it down each day, and you’ll go to bed each night knowing you accomplished the list, which is a huge mood booster in and of itself.

If after a few weeks you’re feeling these goals have made an impact, and you’re feeling better you can start to add in some tougher stuff. Keep in mind, once you’re already feeling in a more positive mood, adding more won’t seem as daunting as perhaps it does today. Maybe you can commit to yourself to get off social media for a few nights a week? Or add some more leafy greens to your diet, or get an extra hour sleep? All of these things slowly added together will have significant mood impacts. Plus, once you feel better, you’ll start to see the dynamic between you and your kids improve, too. Then before you know it, Spring will have sprung and we’ll be moving into brighter days.

Note: if you’re reading this and it all seems so incredibly overwhelming and daunting. If you’ve tried these tips and it’s not working, or if your mood has been exceedingly low for a long period, please consider reaching out to your healthcare provider for support. There should be no embarrassment in needing extra help, it’s not shameful; it’s biochemistry.

The post Moms, Improve Your Mood With These 3 Daily Goals appeared first on The Mabelhood.

2019 came in with a bang and with it brought…. organization porn?!

Thanks to the popular Netflix series, Tidying Up With Marie Kondo, the masses are attempting to take control of their lives by folding their laundry in thirds and stacking everything upright. I’m not surprised at the popularity of this craze. There’s something quite enjoyable about watching other people organize their homes (and knowing that some people live in a much higher level of disorder is strangely satisfying). By the end of each episode, you’re drawn into the mesmerizing KonMari ways and soon you’re tempted to sort through your entire home, drawer-by-drawer, and decide what sparks joy. Is Marie Kondo realistic home organization for parents?

This is where it gets messy, so to speak. Often what sparks joy for me, and I’m sure for many moms, is looking around my home and seeing all the signs of happy kids; toys on the floor, muddy boots in the entryway, mess from a fun craft. But am I creating an excuse to have a messy home? There have been times when I have felt embarrassed at the state of the house, and that’s when I know it’s gone too far. It can so quickly go from being ‘chilled’ to feeling ashamed and overwhelmed, and suddenly you’re spiraling into angry-mom mode, feeling frustrated, underappreciated and resentful. And all while the mess continues to grow.

The problem with the (deceptively) simple KonMari method is that it needs to be 100% perfect, and nothing less. If my clothes aren’t folded in thirds, am I a failure? Of course not, it is one perfectionist’s way of maintaining order and, ultimately, it’s really a system of organization rather than a tiding method. The KonMari method is also only a first (really enormous) step. It will help you organize, but we still need to have a clean house, the method is only as good as it’s user. Your socks are folded into thirds; but if you still feel cheerios crunching under your feet can you still find that inner calm?

Here is a checklist of simple tasks for organization, tidying and cleaning in 2019 that, for most of us, will be manageable. There’s still time to re-write your new year resolutions into something more attainable that you will accomplish and feel proud of.

2019 ORGANIZATION GOALS:

Marie Kondo is certainly right in that the method of simplifying and finding joy in minimalism will make your life easier. The KonMari method of organization is to break down into categories and purge what doesn’t spark joy. But what does that really mean!? Especially if purging with kids, asking them if each item sparks joy is as much fun as getting pecked to death by a chicken.

Here are some ways to purge that are realistic for busy moms, but will still guarantee success:

Purge Toys: Most of us need to purge toys, it’s an area that can quickly get out of control and clutter up the entire home. Strap on your patience and do this task with the kids.

Purge if:
-It’s broken or missing pieces
-It’s no longer age appropriate
-It’s a duplicate
-They wouldn’t even notice it’s missing (These are often Happy Meal Toys or junk they get in a birthday party loot bag. Tip: try this for minimalist birthday parties instead)

Beyond that, use your personal judgement on your purging comfort level. Keep in mind, it’s been proven that kids with less toys are more creative and more focused.

Purge Closet: Like the toys, our closets are another area that can also use some help. Here are our deal-breaker tips to purging your closet:

Purge if:
-It no longer fits
-You haven’t worn it recently (if you didn’t wear it last summer, you won’t wear it this summer)
-It has a tear or stain
-It’s uncomfortable or itchy
-It isn’t a timeless piece, and looks dated
-It’s a duplicate (nobody needs 3 pairs of grey sweatpants)

With purging overall, drop the “just in case” excuse. We have all done it, I’ll keep this just in case. Just in case really means never. So next time you find yourself saying I’ll keep this, just in case…pause then say goodbye to the item and hello to living in a more meaningful way.

So, your home is purged of the extras. Now what? Surprise! that peaceful-home feeling is really an ongoing game of keepy-uppy. Here is how you can stay on top of tidying and not reach that feeling of overwhelm again:

2019 DAILY TIDYING GOALS:

Make the Bed. It takes 30 seconds and can bring a big sense of control to a room. I’ve also heard “when you’re seeking romance, a welcoming bed beckons love into your life” or as I like to put it, “a tidy bed will make you feel dirty” so make your bed and look forward to more sexy time.

The Tuck. Tuck in your chair when you leave the table. It’s simple to do, it looks tidy and it’s plain old good manners.

Put toys away each night. Have the kids help, make it a simple process and don’t expect too much. They can manage putting items into a basket, but don’t expect them to separate the blocks from the Lego men until that’s a less daunting, age-appropriate task. Once the toys are away, it’s much easier to relax with a glass of wine and enjoy some adult time without feeling overwhelmed by the chaos around you.

Put the mail away each night. File the bills, put the junk mail in the recycling bin. Don’t let it pile up, Taking time to address the mail daily will eliminate any missed payments and will give a feeling of financial control and a tidier counter.

2019 DAILY CLEANING GOALS:

Dishes. Rule of thumb: don’t let the dishes touch the sink. Get everyone into the habit of putting the dishes directly into the dishwasher. Run it overnight and empty it each morning. If you don’t have a dishwasher, follow through should be your rule. Follow through means wash + dry + put away! It is a three-step task.

Laundry. Focus less on the folding into itty-bitty thirds and put that energy into just simply completing the three-step process, wash + dry + put away.

Sweep. Do a quick once over at the end of each day. Because the feeling of stepping on crud is like a sweet piece of hell.

Wipe. Tear a page out of Mrs. Hinches insta-stories and wipe down your kitchen and bathroom counters and mirrors each night.  This will keep the house cleaner and easier to manage overall (It also keeps you accountable to the dishes away rule because you can’t wipe the counter if your dishes are cluttering it). Once you get into the habit of wiping down daily, you may start to enjoy it. You’ll sleep better knowing your counters are shiny, I don’t know why this works, but it does.

It’s proven that a clean environment can lead to a clearer mind. And while the KonMari way is an excellent pursuit at organization, it doesn’t mean you’re done. So scale back on that larger goal of a perfect garage and make a manageable goal to keep up with your day-to-day. You’ll soon find that the value in minimal energy used daily is a far better at creating a peaceful home than a daunting lifestyle-overhaul. So let’s make our 2019 goal to make that game of keepy-uppy fun to play, and to have what really sparks joy in our homes be what we already love the most: our messy kids.

The post Spark Joy: The Problem With KonMari and a More Realistic Organization Plan for Moms in 2019 appeared first on The Mabelhood.