They have a right to know. 

Kids live on this planet and have every right to know what’s going on with their home. Keeping them away from the facts of climate change does a disservice to our kids and our future. 

It impacts their mental health

Studies have shown that climate change impacts the mental health of kids and teens. They’re feeling the stress, and depending on their locations and the direct impacts they see first-hand, it may be impacting their anxiety. People living on the west coast experiencing forest fire crises are having much higher levels of eco-anxiety. Even parents are feeling this stress, why should we assume our kids are any different. If anything, it’s harder to understand, making the crisis seems scarier. 

Information about climate change needs to be communicated in an inspiring way, brings hope, and lets them know how to help.   

 Teens feel frustrated 

Teens feel frustrated with climate change and the policies that surround environmental concerns. They think that their voices aren’t being heard and that their future is at risk. Above all, these are valid concerns and we should do everything we can to make sure they’re being heard. We need to let our kids know that we’re considering the environment with every decision and purchase we make in our households.

 How to teach about climate change

We need to teach that climate change facts are relayed in a concise and straightforward way. We need to ensure that this potentially alarming information is delivered sensitively. 

• Tell them the truth, provide information and facts
• If you don’t understand it all yourself, take an opportunity to learn about it together. Telling the truth and learning together will help your children trust you
• If they show anxiety about climate change, you’re there to reassure them that we’re not doomed
• It’s critical to let them know that it’s not too late
• Make sure they understand that they can make a difference 
• Explain that every little bit helps

What you can do in your own home to make a difference: 

• Cut down on how much new stuff you buy, focus on experiences, enjoying nature over new tech and gadgets. 
• Shop locally, and sustainable slow fashion
• Start meal planning; this will help avoid food waste 
• Eat less meat
• Switch to energy-efficient lightbulbs in your home
• Electronics should be unplugged when not in use
• Wash clothes in cold water (seriously, it’s better for your clothing)
• Eat less meat and dairy buy organic 
• Plant your veggies if possible
• Use the car less, ride or walk to trips and use public transportation to cut your carbon emissions
• Go on a staycation instead of flying somewhere
• Join an Eco council at your school, or start one if they don’t have one. 
• Write to your local MP and ask them about their green policies.
• Ensure your household uses clean energy providers 
• Research and avoid companies that back fossil fuels

Resources to turn to if you, or your child, feels they need more information: 

What is climate change? – David Suzuki Foundation
NCA3-climate-trends-regional-impacts-brochure.pdf (globalchange.gov)
Home Page – Climate Justice Alliance

The post How to Explain Climate Change to Your Kids; And the Changes You Can Make Today appeared first on The Mabelhood.

Using new brain science to explain how our modern lifestyle is completely at odds with our girls’ unique psychological needs, author Donna Jackson Nakazawa provides crisp, digestible insights and advice that are easy for the layperson or the stressed-out, at her wit’s end parent to understand and put into action.

Why do we need this book?
It is estimated that one in four adolescent girls suffers from symptoms of major depression. Girls and young women are also twice as likely as their male counterparts to suffer from anxiety and, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that suicide attempts among this cohort recently increased by 51 percent.

According to Jackson Nakazawa, it wasn’t until 2016 that mental health studies began to factor sex differences into their work. Until then, it was assumed that male study subjects would provide results that applied to everyone. But —surprise, surprise—female biology does affect how stress is processed by the brain, especially during puberty and adolescence when girls’ brains are undergoing rapid development and significant changes are happening.

Recalling a study conducted by researchers at Johns Hopkins and Harvard medical schools, Jackson Nakazawa notes that the three-way link between cortisol stress levels, epigenetic shifts in genes that lead to greater susceptibility to stress, and increased feelings of despair, exists only in women and teenage girls.

Why is raising girls harder now?
To answer the question “why is being and raising a girl so much harder now?” Jackson Nakazawa argues that pressure to perform, compete, and to present a certain image on social media has robbed our girls of the time and space to develop emotionally, socially, and physically. She writes:

“Early exposure to external judgement, hierarchical evaluation, and critiquing is happening during the most vulnerable window in brain development.”

Add to this, environmental fears like school shootings, climate change, and the never-ending reality of violence against women, and it becomes clear that an entire generation of girls is growing up in a toxic, trigger-rich environment.

It’s more than the anti-social media debate
But Girls on the Brink does more than pile on to the anti-social media debate. It adds valuable context by explaining how brain science and environment create a perfect storm for adolescent girls. Quoting a prominent neuroscientist in the study of sex differences in early brain development, Jackson Nakazawa connects the earlier than ever onset of puberty to the loss of “a crucial period of safe developmental maturity.” In other words, “Now, suddenly, hormones come in too early, during a very sensitive time, and begin to revamp everything before the brain is developmentally ready to go through that rewiring process.” Girls’ brains, therefore, may be opening up at the wrong time.

In addition to describing the relevance of brain science, Jackson Nakazawa also explains how a lack of social safety (namely, interpersonal stress and social rejection) can be a strong predictor of depression in teens. And once again, it’s girls who feel this most acutely. The biological imperative to have and look after children helped females evolve with a keen sense of alertness to social threats. And while this was helpful when we relied on our fellow tribe members to stay safe, sheltered and fed, it can have a negative effect on today’s girls by sending their immune systems into overdrive at even the slightest hint of ostracism from the group. Feeling unsafe—no matter how she interprets that, can change a girl’s brain.

The reality is especially troubling for girls who experienced early adversity. Through a process known as gene expression, or epigenetics (find additional information on how it affects childhood development here), it is now known that our experiences and our biography can become our biology. And the two most crucial times for this are during fetal development and puberty. And for girls, the effects of adversity may not be known until the onset of puberty, thanks to estrogen’s ability to ignite any underlying inflammatory processes that cause chronic stress to begin manifesting in the brain.

The old adage ‘what doesn’t kill you makes stronger’ may not actually be true when it comes to children, argues Jackson Nakazawa, writing:

Twenty-five years of literature on adverse childhood experiences tells us that toxic stress in childhood doesn’t give kids grit or make them stronger or tougher. It reduces their well-being for life by slowly shifting the nervous system to a high-alert response and breaking down the immune system. Over time, this affects not just the body but also the brain, in harmful ways that can alter a child’s promise across a lifetime.

The good news is positive stimuli can have just as powerful impact on a girl’s brain as negative stimuli. Which means there are things we can do that will make a difference, and Jackson Nakazawa helpfully describes 15 such strategies in the second half of her book. She also cautions parents not to overestimate their ability to know what their child is thinking, pointing to studies that prove parents can’t always distinguish between normal ups and downs and depression.

Understanding our girls is the key to raising them. Understanding what they’re experiencing and coping with is the key to raising them with compassion. Knowledge is power. Without it, we may be left in a constant state of fear and frustration over confounding behavior and alarming mental health problems. If you read one ‘parenting’ book this year, make it Girls on the Brink.

The post Why “Girls on the Brink” Should be Required Reading for All Parents. appeared first on The Mabelhood.

Parenting isn’t easy at the best of times. ADHD is added to the regular Motherhood struggles, becoming completely overwhelming. It can bring up feelings of self-doubt, anxiety, and anger. Anything from forgetfulness, difficulty planning and following through, focusing, and decision-making becomes a massive burden as you try to cope with your struggles and manage your enormous role as a parent.  Parenting with ADHD can leave you feeling like a total failure.  

Why are so many women being diagnosed with ADHD?

So why are (especially since the pandemic) so many women being diagnosed or saying, “I’m not diagnosed, but I think I may have ADHD.” 

Simply put, we now know more. Like most medical diagnoses, studies involve young white men, so they’re the ones whose symptoms have been what doctors look for with a diagnosis. ADHD has been studied in white men since the early 70s. These studies led to the diagnosis being what we now know as one type of ADHD: ‘Hyperactive ADHD’ – characterized by the typical inability to sit still, talk a lot, interrupt, and have big emotional reactions. However, women experience ADHD very differently, which is why many women don’t fit the diagnosis and are often misdiagnosed.  

Women often experience ADHD as ‘Inattentive ADHD’ or ADD. These women with Inattentive ADHD may appear to be functioning and listening well- but their mind is elsewhere and distracted. This type of ADHD is distinguished by: 

•  Being disorganized 
•  Make careless mistakes  
•  Being easily distracted
•  Poor ability towards attention to detail 
•  Difficulty setting priorities 
•  Difficulty with decision making 
•  Withdrawing from hard scenarios  
•  Taking a while to process information  

These symptoms can also contribute to another secondary set of matters like screen addiction, over-eating, emotional outbursts, and more. Often social media becomes a relief from the symptoms, the endless scrolling is one way to tune out from overwhelming environments, but that can often come with feelings of guilt.

These symptoms, for many years, have been misdiagnosed as them just not trying hard enough, a potential learning disability, or mental health problem. On the contrary, they are competent, intelligent, and creative individuals who need the tools to succeed.  

Women have been misdiagnosed with ADHD

Experiencing ADHD symptoms (undiagnosed) leads to big feelings of inadequacy, being completely over-whelmed, leading to anxiety and depression. At which point, women often receive a depression diagnosis missing the underlying issue completely. 

Mood swings get mistaken for hormones instead of reactions to the overwhelm. As women, we know all too well that society always wants to label us “crazy” before finding an accurate diagnosis that could be helpful to us and lead to a healthy lifestyle.  

We’re sharing more information.

We’re learning a lot more about women and ADHD. TikTok accounts sharing the day-to-day struggles of ADHD have made many Mothers see themselves and have a better understanding of ADHD suddenly, leading them to their family doctor to find out more.  

Our kids are being diagnosed with ADHD leading to the diagnosis of parents too

ADHD is a hot topic in the school system, and kids often get referrals for diagnosis. Often, as parents are talking with professionals and doctors about their kids’ symptoms, they suddenly feel very familiar and realize that they have the same diagnosis. ADHD is genetic, so kids getting the diagnosis leads to parents being checked too.  

In Motherhood, especially in the last century, the job has changed. There is a significant amount of pressure put upon us mothers to be good parents, friends, wives, and employees. The pressures we face are immense. Women are expected to ‘multi-task” and make it all work. Women have been putting the challenges down to the multi-tasking lifestyle expected of them rather than seeing those challenges as ADHD symptoms.

As Mothers, we also put everyone else first. Our needs often are secondary to all the executive management of the family and the household. Our needs don’t get met we take longer to get the care we need.  

 Here are a few thoughts on ADHD that women recently shared in an online support group. It goes to show that women with ADHD are grossly misunderstood, and that alone can be isolating:

I was labeled an attention seeker, by reaching out and displaying distressed behavior because- I was very distressed.!    

 I feel and think in my own way. People think I’m being difficult, but that’s not it; I’m not trying to be difficult.    

A task that some people see as small can lead me to feel overwhelmed and burn out.   

Sometimes I completely disconnect from myself and my surroundings because that’s the only way I can cope.

 So, where do we go from here? Now that we know many of these hot mess moms are Mothers with ADHD. Well, firstly, we must be getting the correct diagnosis for ourselves. 

 As Mothers, we need to get better at putting ourselves first sometimes.  

 What help/support are recommended to women.? Tips provided by mothers with ADHD:  

•  Join a support group! 
•  Set a timer to get the task done. Usually, it only takes a minute, and that makes it bearable.  
•  Simplify life: give yourself fewer options for outfits, for meals for activities.
•  Get a good night’s sleep and get lots of exercise.
•  Ask friends and family to help with problem-solving and large tasks that are too  overwhelming to do on your own, especially if under a deadline.  
•  Make checklists! (Everything you need for school runs, errands, etc.)
•  Keep a routine for household management 
• Hire help if you can (cleaning the house, helping kids with homework…outsource!) 

As difficult as it can be, we need to talk openly and honestly about what Mothers with ADHD are going through. Until we live in a world where we can support one another, embrace our differences, accept the inattention, enjoy the excessive talking, the forgetfulness, the fidgeting and the overall hot mess. Once we can remove the unachievable standards set upon Mothers of what success is, our struggles will be acceptable and normal and we won’t set another generation of young girls up to be living in a neurotypical world that doesn’t work for them. So for the sake of our girls, let’s work on changing perceptions and being more accepting of everyone’s imperfections.

If you child has ADHD and you’re looking for resources to help, check these out!  

The post Mothers with ADHD; Strategies, Struggles and Support appeared first on The Mabelhood.

I thought about living in Trump’s America, and about guns, school shootings, and the cost of health care. But never in my wildest, most fevered nightmares did I ever imagine I was moving my daughters to a place where they’d grow up having fewer rights than I or their grandmother did.

Usually, it’s not that hard to convince ourselves we’re safe. Bad things happen everywhere but statistically, they’re unlikely to happen to us. But all that’s changed with the Supreme Court’s repeal of Roe vs. Wade. Now, the bad thing is at our doorstep.

So how do I raise my daughters in a country that doesn’t respect them; a country that punishes them for having a uterus? How do we stomach living in a place that allows for the criminalization of abortion in the name of ‘protecting children’ but not the weapon used to slaughter them in their classrooms?

 How do we go on living and believing in a country that would rather see us carry our rapist’s baby to term than allow us to terminate the pregnancy (and where the penalty for doing so is often more severe than the penalty for rape itself?) All of this is on top of the fact that health care is widely cost-prohibitive, and mandatory maternity leave and affordable childcare scarcely exist. In other words, the United States is now a country that forces women to become mothers but gives them no material support when it comes to carrying, birthing, and raising that child.

So, I ask, in all seriousness, without an ounce of sarcasm: what kind of a country is this? What kind of “Supreme” Court can claim to be pro-life, pro-children, when this is the world it’s creating?

Make no mistake: this is a war on women, and anyone who dismisses this claim as inflammatory rhetoric should consider that no one is talking about banning vasectomies. Also, because women are still – still – tasked with the lion’s share of childcare and domestic responsibilities (even when they hold full-time jobs themselves), forced birth, particularly if you’re already poor and otherwise marginalized, will ensure we remain trapped in poverty for generations.

And next time someone says, ‘well if you don’t want a baby, don’t have sex,’ allow me to point out that the states whose sex education revolves around abstinence have—drumroll please— the highest number of teen pregnancies.

As I said, I used to worry about the shootings. In 2019, the year we moved stateside, there were more mass shootings (417) than days of the year. As of June 2, not a single week in 2022 has gone by without a mass shooting (defined as incidents where four or more victims are injured or killed).

In my mind, this is a reason to be concerned. But every time my kids show apprehension, I reassure them that statistically, it’s unlikely to happen to us.

And when they ask how the shooter managed to get the gun (which must be illegal, right mom?) I explain the Second Amendment and America’s belief in the right to bear arms.

And when they press me on why someone would ever need or want that kind of gun except to kill people, I explain how the AR-15 has become—against all reason—not just a symbol, but the symbol of American democracy. In other words, it’s not the gun, it’s the point.

But on the repeal of Roe vs. Wade, I have no comfort to offer. No amount of spin, placating, or the surgical implantation of rose-coloured glasses can make this make sense. And like many of us, I’m tired. I’m tired of putting on a brave face and pretending everything’s going to be okay because I’m not sure it will be this time. Living in a country where abortion is no longer a constitutionally protected right is not okay and I can’t pretend otherwise. I’m angry, and I want my kids to be angry. I want them to get it, to understand that a handful of ivory tower lawmakers have not just denied but actively taken away their right to self-determination.

Simply put, I won’t cover for you anymore, America. I’m done pretending you’re the land of free expression and opportunity, and that there isn’t a gaping disconnect between what you claim to stand for and reality.

The repeal of Roe vs. Wade means one-half of the human race is no longer guaranteed the right to self-determination, the right to protect itself from harm. You don’t have to have a uterus or daughters to know this is wrong. You don’t even have to be pro-abortion to know this is wrong. Because – newsflash, if you don’t believe in abortion, you don’t have to have one. It’s a beautiful and elegant solution, if only we could all live and let live.

But that’s not the American way. The American way is to enforce our beliefs and our will upon others; it is to turn our backs on those who need freedom and autonomy the most, who need laws that protect and support them instead of holding their heads underwater.

Ironically, our move from Canada to the U.S. was about doing what was best for the family. But I can no longer convince myself that opportunities like travel, employment, and education are worth it. So many exciting new experiences are within my children’s reach, but if they don’t have fundamental rights, how much does any of it really matter?


Looking for ways to help your girls feel more empowered? Click here for some good reads for girls.

The post I Won’t Cover for You Anymore, America appeared first on The Mabelhood.

The Puzzle Piece

We spent nearly a century fighting to identify Autism. To give it a name and identify features that could be jotted down, then studied and observed. The symbolism of the puzzle piece is now used to illustrate the growing understanding of the bigger picture that is Autism. From this picture, the identifiable diagnosis, we birthed ‘Autism Awareness.’ 

We now have a description, an identity that we can use to educate the greater population, and a title we can campaign behind collectively. In short, we can make the general population aware of the existence of Autism. 

This awareness led to better understanding. This understanding provides a sense of the therapies and accommodations needed, based on compassion and empathy for the human experience, guiding us slowly to acceptance.  

Educating the world

I believe we’re in this phase right now with Autism Awareness. Special Needs parents are tasked with helping our children understand themselves and educating the world of Autistic children’s individual needs. We are desperately pulling at the compassion and empathetic heartstrings of humanity’s better nature to understand our children’s needs and understand that their experience is the human experience too.

The more we know, the more it hurts

If you are not lovingly parenting a child with Autism or a profound disability, you will not understand. But the longer we have been on this path of awareness and acceptance, the more we acutely and painfully realize that society, no matter where you look, prioritizes and values able-bodied individuals—those who are economically profitable.  

Sadly, it’s more economically advantageous to society for us parents to be reduced to advocating for our children’s needs as adults well after our own bodies age and fail them as caregivers.

Age with dignity?

I began a journey advocating for the National Disability Strategy in hopes of bridging funding gaps, supports, and resources so that my children and every child with a disability and their parents and caregivers can age with dignity. We deserve to live fearlessly and with confidence, knowing that disabled individuals will not starve, will not be impoverished, living in dehumanizing conditions should they be unable to be financially and functionally independent.

Through this work, I realized that the ‘selling point’ of a National Disability Strategy wasn’t based on the value of these precious lives. It is not based on immeasurable love for a fellow human but instead on the economic benefits of doing what is morally and ethically right. The harsh reality that the blessing of my children gets turned into a mere dollar amount has shattered my heart. And will shatter the hearts of every parent and caregiver on this journey. 

Shattered

Let’s be clear; it is not our children’s diagnosis or their struggles that shatters us; it is the reality that our society does not properly value their existence. The heartbreaking thought is that our love is not enough to keep them safe, alive, and happy when we are no longer here to protect them. It is a painful realization that our children’s humanity is not valued, that shatters us, and I hope it shatters you too. 

I hope that this awareness stirs you.

Be aware of all the love you feel for your child, your brother, your sister… your fellow human; how it guides you to want them to be safe, happy, and healthy. Think about how dehumanizing and heartbreaking it would be to quantify the value of their existence and their profitability. Now use it as a means to negotiate their future safety, health, and happiness. It’s incomprehensible, and it’s the reality of so many families. 

Our children are beautiful, strong, resilient, kind, compassionate, unique in every imaginable way; above all, they are humans. They are bursting with human emotions; joy, pain, relief, fear & love, just as you and I do. And they are aging just as quickly.  

The weight of time

Many parents are at the beginning of their parenting journey. They have time to educate on the awareness required for the accommodation and acceptance of our children. Sadly, many of us are further along the parenting journey. The weight and lack of time to teach awareness that values humans, not for their economic profitability, but for their simple human existence, is building a pressure deep within us that is suffocating.  

Surface Pressure

When Disney’s new movie, Encanto, came out and the song ‘Surface Pressure’ was heard by millions. It’s safe to say that for parents raising children with Autism, our tears flowed with the relatability of that pressure. This surface pressure is what we feel about advocating for our children to have the opportunity to thrive. This pressure is even heavier for us as we must change the world’s values to be human-centered instead of profit-centered. These pressures are robbing us of enjoying simple pleasures and relaxation.  

Which leads me to my one ‘ask’ this Autism Awareness Month: 

See the value of my children for the worth of their humanity and not their economic profitability. Join us and advocate from a place of love. Be sold on the love that one human gives to another. Be sold on the need for a safety net that will catch them when us parents can no longer provide or care for them. Be sold on the dignity of aging for all of us. Be sold on the value of the human experience. 

In short, love my children too.

The post Autism Awareness; The Reality I Wish You Were Really Aware Of appeared first on The Mabelhood.

This cold and dreary month in the Mabelhood we find ourselves watching films with our kids. So this year we’ve committed to watching films by Black filmmakers, actors, and creators. Some of these are great stories honoring Black culture and historical significance, others are beautiful love stories, action/ adventure and award-winning feature films. We encourage you to check out our list, we promise you won’t be disappointed!

Plus, all of these selections are perfect to watch alongside your kids. We’ve included the rating for you to use at your discretion, but know that these are all movies that you and your kids can enjoy together to spark meaningful conversations. So worry less about he rating and more about the important topics these films can raise.

The hate u give

Rated PG 13
“Starr Carter navigates the perilous waters between her poor, black neighborhood and her prestigious, mainly white private school. This all changes when she finds herself in the middle of racial activism after her best friend is shot by police officers, and she’s forced to make a decision. Allow the media to skewer her friend to protect the status quo, or stand up and tell the truth”

Adapted from the YA novel this film is now a movie you can watch on Disney+. This is not your typical coming-of-age story, it’s far more. It’s a story about a complicated culture-clash that a young woman must navigate. This film is marvelous and we highly encourage you to give it a watch!

Black Panther

Rated: PG13
“King T’Challa returns home to the isolated, technologically advanced African nation of Wakanda to serve as new leader. However, T’Challa soon finds that he is challenged for the throne from divisions within his own country. When two enemies conspire to destroy Wakanda, the hero known as Black Panther must join forces with C.I.A. agent Everett K. Ross and members of the Wakandan Special Forces, to prevent Wakanda from being drawn into a world war”

Akeelah and The Bee

Rated: PG
“Akeelah Anderson has an unusual gift to spell words. Encouraged by her teacher and arm-twisted by her principal the eleven-year-old enters and wins her East Los Angeles school’s first spelling bee and qualifies for National Spelling Bee”

Spider-Man. Into the Spider-Verse

Rated: PG.
“Miles Morales becomes the masked superhero of his reality and crosses paths with his counterparts from other dimensions to stop a threat to all reality”. The sequel is expected to be release in October 2022! Any Spider-Man fan will watch this gem!

Hidden Figures

Rated: PG
“As the United States raced against Russia to put a man in space, NASA found untapped talent in a group of African-American female mathematicians that served as the brains behind one of the greatest operations in U.S. history”

This movie is the perfect time to start a conversation with your kids. It lends itself not only to racial injustice, but also gender inequalities, and also a history lesson about the space-race!

These films are from the ones we selected, as they’re easily found on most streaming services. If you’re looking for more, pay a you to visit your local library where they’d be happy to offer up an really extensive selection of films they carry.

Wondering what to discuss?

When watching any film or TV make sure you look for and point out and discuss racist stereotypes and attitudes. Discuss the uniqueness of the black experience. Start young, with the conversation being age appropriate, like fairness and point out racism as unfair and unacceptable. For older kids and teenagers, you can refer here for more tips on talking to your kids about social activism.

The post Five Films by Black Creators to Watch With Your Kids appeared first on The Mabelhood.

Here are a few things I learned from covid:

No point in pointing fingers:

When the first kid in our family tested positive, the siblings turned into detectives in hopes of discovering who the original source was. Their witch-hunt came up empty, and no one could be burned at the stake for being “Patient Zero”. Our family followed all the protocols and did nothing wrong.  I understand wanting to know the source to mitigate spread, but if it’s motivated by wanting to place blame, don’t waste your time.

Kids have spent two years being trained to be scared:

It’s no wonder that when a family member tests positive, kiddo hysteria sets in. Children have missed school, activities and taken many measures to avoid being infected. So, it should have been no surprise that I heard things like “I don’t want my family to die!” and “I don’t want us to all end up in hospital!” On top of hysteria, you also get the hypochondria. Every sneeze becomes a Covid symptom. You know how when one of your kids has head lice and your scalp suddenly becomes itchy? Yes, apply that theory to Covid symptoms.

Try your best to keep it one step at a time. We can’t promise our kids things we can’t guarantee, but we can manage their fears by keeping in the moment and not over-thinking about the “what-ifs”

How do parents “isolate” from sick kids?

This may not be popular, but when your kids are sick, how is it even possible to not cuddle and comfort them? I’m not sure how realistic that mandate is. I’m more willing to get sick myself, than leave my kids alone when feeling unwell. This could explain why I’ve been puked on so many times.

What’s the right thing to do? Bring back the “Chicken Pox Party”?

Some of my kids were away when Covid hit the homefront. I was tempted to have them return home and just throw it back to the classic 1970s Chicken Pox Party. That was me waving the white flag and admitting defeat – and it made sense for my big family. BUT, with one teen anxiously counting down the days for her driving test appointment, she was not risking having to cancel. As such, we did the daunting task of separating the siblings.  

The biggest win for families beyond recovering from this nasty bug, is surviving isolation without killing each other. Stay safe out there!

The post Four Lessons I Learned When Covid Turned Up appeared first on The Mabelhood.

 We’re all familiar with the simple ways to keep our baby safe from germs, especially during flu season. Living through a pandemic has certainly taught us about washing our hands and wiping surfaces. It’s unlikely these days that any parent would use a public change table without wiping it down first. But surface germs aren’t a parents only, or biggest concern. For infants, it’s more complicated.

 While it is essential for our babies to grow a strong immune system, these days, it’s more important to ensure we’re keeping our babies safe from germs that can cause them harm. Of course, they’re naturally exposed to germs every day. Still, it’s your job as parents to ensure they’re not deliberately exposed to more germs than needed, especially those coming from other people. Germs from other people can be quite harmful to an infant (we need not even mention the C-word), and other people (as we know *eye roll emoji*) are challenging to control. It doesn’t help that your bundle of joy is the most snuggly thing ever and everyone’s instinct is to give that adorable bundle a cuddle and a sniff.

 With flu season, RSV and other infections can cause serious harm to infants. Therefore, parents must work hard towards keeping the baby safe. Unfortunately, this often means being the bad guy to all those well-meaning grannies.  

Here are some Tips for Keeping your Baby Safe From Germs in Flu Season

 -Wash your hands 

 It should really go without saying, but let’s say it again for those in the back. Wash your hands! And make sure that any visitors wash their hands too. Make sure you’re always washing thoroughly, using soap. Wash often, and wash directly after touching your eyes, nose, and mouth.

 -Don’t allow sick guests 

 If anyone is sick, even if they’re almost recovered from a common cold- say no. Let’s rebook when you’re totally healthy. What is merely a common cold for an adult can lead to other severe infections such as pneumonia, bronchiolitis, and croup or RSV for an infant. Sick people near babies is a hard no. 

 -Ask people not to touch or especially kiss the baby  

 This can be a very touchy subject, especially with aunts, uncles, and grandparents. But you must stand your ground if this is something that’s important to you. Here are a few ways to politely get the point across. 

 I know how much you love (baby) and want to cuddle, but we aren’t comfortable with people touching them at this time; we appreciate your support in this.  

Based on the advice from our pediatrician, we’re only having direct family touch the baby during flu season; thank you for understanding.  

 Or depending on where your comfort level is… 

 We’d prefer if you’d only kiss and touch the baby’s feet, thanks.  

 Remember, it’s your baby and your responsibility to keep them safe and healthy. 

 -Carry baby in a sling or use a car seat cover

 It’s a deterrent. It’s far more unlikely that someone with come up and touch your baby if they’re comfortably nestled against your chest. Use this physical barrier when out or at family gatherings. Plus, your hands are already free, so Aunt Gladys can’t use the excuse that she can help “take baby off your hands” Plus, there are many other benefits to babywearing too.

 -Use Labels to avoid any pacifier or toy mix-ups while at playdates    

 Label all your baby’s items using these. This will ensure that no mix-ups with other babies’ pacifiers or toys happen while at childcare, a playdate of family function.

-Keep baby healthy, naturally

 Keep your baby well fed with all the balanced nutrition their little body needs. Allow them to get the sleep they need to let their immune system do its work. It won’t keep the germs away completely, but it can certainly help their little bodies fight what does come their way.

 -Keep up-to-date on doctor check-ups 

 Make sure your baby sticks to the vaccination schedule or speak with your pediatrician or family practitioner about what’s best for your family.

Everything will be okay…

 If you follow these tips and tricks, you’re doing everything you can to keep the baby safe. However, remember that sometimes it happens, and don’t beat yourself up if your baby does get sick. Instead, drop the guilt and put that effort into caring for them. You don’t have to monitor the germ situation intensely forever, but it is imperative in the first four months of a baby’s life. Once you reach that stage, you can start to loosen up the rules and allow the baby to be exposed to more.  

 Remember, after that age, babies are supposed to explore. After 6, you should still be careful with people’s germs, but also remember that it’s also vital for their immune systems to build, so let them explore and eat a little dirt too.

The post Keeping Your Baby Safe From Germs This Flu Season appeared first on The Mabelhood.

After devouring the first three episodes of And Just Like That, the Sex and the City reboot that premiered last week, the nicest thing I can say is that I’m glad HBO isn’t releasing all the episodes at once because I’m not sure I could stomach more than forty-five minutes in one sitting. I like my bad television the same way I like my children: in small doses.  

Yes, it’s that bad.

One Dimensional

To be fair, I was never a die-hard SATC fan; therefore, I’m not inclined to cut the reboot some slack simply because of nostalgia. Nor can I give the awkward dialogue and overall cringy vibe a pass because hey, at least they’re trying. Shows about women in their fifties may not dominate our streaming platforms, but that’s no reason to give AJLT an ‘A’ for effort. The show has missed a golden opportunity to reconnect with its loyal fanbase by peeling back the layers of wisdom and experience women of a certain age possess. Instead, each character has devolved into a one-dimensional trope. 

Sex and the City was never about relatability. It was aspirational, single life on steroids. It was a formula that worked. But now the show’s writers have dropped the women up middle-age creek without a paddle, and I can’t figure out why. Are they punishing them for aging? Does no one really believe women in their fifties can make for interesting storylines? Did someone ding a writer’s car in the parking lot?

Navigating the events of midlife is at the heart of what AJLT is trying to do, but the effect is awkward and stunted. It’s as though all the show has to say about women in their fifties is that they’re wildly out of touch. By repeatedly poking fun at cancel culture, AJLT blatantly mocks its characters as well as its audience. But the women aren’t in on the joke, and the result is an audience that’s laughing at them, not with them. 

Charlotte

Take Charlotte, who’s gone from being adorably prissy and mildly neurotic, to a full-fledged Manhattan Tiger mom who obsesses over her family’s matching outfits. Three episodes in, Charlotte is firmly established as a selfish helicopter parent incapable of recognizing her own emotional instability. As for Miranda, her cringe-worthy attempts at being ‘woke’ come off like a workplace seminar on inclusivity: forced and insincere. The once sarcastic, self-assured lawyer now frets obsessively over how to deal with everything from her classmates’ preferred pronouns to her own hair colour. 

Sigh. 

Miranda

Miranda is clearly going through something, but the show’s writers seem more committed to box-ticking than letting her character get real. Designer clothes, shoes, and upscale apartments will only keep the audience around for so long. There has to be good writing. And unfortunately for fans of SATC, it just isn’t there in the reboot. It’s like all three women have just crawled out of a cave asking what year it is. They’ve aged, but they haven’t grown. Two decades of cultural change have come and gone, but Miranda still can’t believe Black female law professors exist, Charlotte is gobsmacked that not all girls want to wear florals and Carrie is still, STILL, reduced to a quivering, insecure mess in the face of Natasha, Big’s ex.  

Creating good, strong, authentic female characters used to be a near-universal problem in film and television, but things have improved over the past decade or two. Women are no longer just the wife, girlfriend, or secretaries. We have thoughts, opinions, and jobs – big important ones! But And Just Like That has catapulted us back to the dark ages with this bizarre Leave it to Beaver meets Desperate Housewives mash-up  

If memory serves, Sex and the City had both style and substance, whereas And Just Like That has only style. And maybe that’s by design; maybe I shouldn’t assume stories about older women must be told with gravitas. Maybe the joke’s on me. But I can’t shake the feeling that the writers of AJLT are trying to make these characters as one-dimensional as possible as if to prove (or remind us) that women of a certain age just aren’t that interesting and that their (first world) problems are entirely of their own making. 

No one is mad the characters aged, it’s what they’ve become

Are we being punished for wanting to see how midlife is treating Carrie, Miranda, and Charlotte? Are the writers sitting around their table saying, “Okay, you asked for it,” and cracking their knuckles malevolently? Oddly (given the finished product), the writers’ table is stacked with women, including one of the best and most hilarious writers I know: Samantha Irby. And yet the fingerprints of the show’s male creators and producers seem to be everywhere.

And Just Like That is only three episodes in, so maybe it will find its groove by the time the ten-episode run is over. And we all know sequels are never as good as the original (Just ask Sex and the City 2, the movie). But it’s discouraging to hear the stars of the show dismiss bad reviews as ageism because this is entirely missing the point. No one is mad the characters aged, we’re upset about who they’ve become, and that the show’s writers have pummeled Sex and the City’s ground-breaking legacy into dust. 

The post Why does “And Just Like That” Dislike Women So Much? appeared first on The Mabelhood.

Why is it so important now all of a sudden?

There has been an explosion in growth of studies being done on transgender and gender non-conforming folks. At the same time, we’ve opened our eyes as a society to the groups of people who have been historically oppressed, excluded, marginalized, and generally disadvantaged. As a result, there is a greater awareness and desire to right these wrongs and create a better, more inclusive society. Transgender and gender non-conforming people already have to deal with the stress of being in the wrong body all day, every day. We owe it to them to not make it even harder for them.

How to show respect for gender pronouns

For me, it’s a question of respect and dignity. I want to raise our kids to show respect for everyone, and I expect our kids to be respected in return. Everyone deserves basic dignity. I don’t think these are controversial expectations. There are some really easy things we can do to provide transgender and gender non-conforming people with more dignity and respect, and the first one is to respect and use their chosen name and pronouns.

Our kids watch everything we do and listen to everything we say. This can sometimes be a great deal of pressure, especially in unfamiliar areas where you are learning too. The good news is that respecting gender pronouns is actually really simple.

You don’t really need to learn about the meaning and intricacies of those big and scary words to respect others. Really, the only thing you need to remember in order to be respectful of a person is to use the pronouns they ask you to and treat them as you would anyone else. If you refer to them as she, and they correct you, just start again and insert the correct pronoun. If you forget and mix it up, just correct yourself and carry on.

Go back and re-read the previous paragraph. I’ve been referring to a person in a non-binary way, using they and them pronouns. I’m willing to bet you had no problem understanding that I was referring to a single imaginary person. Just like learning another language, it’s easier to read or hear than speak. Like anything, it takes practice, and you’ll make mistakes along the way. The important thing is that you’re making an effort. It’s important to note, that this step doesn’t require you to understand what a non-binary person is, or how they can be a gender other than just male or female. It doesn’t require you to ask them any additional questions about any part of their life or anatomy. You’re just substituting one set of pronouns for another.

Show you’re an ally

Another way to respect and include transgender people is to introduce yourself with your pronouns and include them in your email signature and screen names when video conferencing. “Hi, I’m X and I use he/him pronouns” can be a signal to a transgender or gender non-conforming person that they have an ally in the room. 

Here are a couple of scenarios you might be familiar with from the “before times.” 

1. You’re writing an email to someone for work, and need to refer to a third person named Sandy. You’ve never met this person, and have only vague clues about their gender. Your heart beats a bit faster while you type, hoping that you’ve guessed right. Someone replies, letting you know that you guessed wrong. Embarrassed, you thank them for pointing out your mistake and use the correct pronouns from now on. It doesn’t matter if Sandy identifies as a man, a woman, both, neither, something in between, or none of the above. They have a set of pronouns they use for themselves, and it’s just respectful for you to use them.
2. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes. If a customer, co-worker, friend, or stranger somehow mistook you for a different gender, and you corrected them, how would you feel if they insisted on ignoring you and continued misgendering you for the rest of the conversation? Day? Year? What if there were other people around who knew better but didn’t correct them? It’d be a pretty miserable experience, and you’d probably think they were being a jerk. Now, what if it was your boss? Your teacher? Your parents?

Not everyone gets it. Not everyone is going to understand. That’s okay. The goal here is to lessen the burden of being transgender or gender non-conforming. Respecting names and pronouns is really easy, costs you nothing, and shows that you care.

How does this all relate to kids?

 Well, now that we’re becoming more ‘woke’ as a society, more and more kids feel free to express themselves, explore their gender identity and gender expression. It may seem like there are way more now than there were ten or twenty years ago, but it’s much more likely that this is just an illusion caused by kids not having to hide these thoughts and feelings as much as before. It’s critically important that we listen to our kids, and support them when they tell us they don’t feel right. They have so much stress and anxiety right now in general from things they (and we) can’t control. It’s our job as parents to help them navigate the things that can be controlled, like what we call each other. The Human Rights Campaign is a good place to start if you have questions about transgender and gender non-conforming kids.

Gender vs. Sex and why it’s important to teach it early.

When faced with someone whose gender doesn’t align with their biological sex, we have a choice. We can either insist their gender is the same as their sex, no matter what they say, or how they express themselves, or we can respect their identity. Science tells us that when we respect their identity, they are much happier, and less likely to develop serious mental health issues, especially when they are kids and teens. If you’re looking for the science to back up this claim, and more, here’s a great resource.

My experience is that kids are super adaptable, especially when they are younger. Tell a five-year-old that their best friend is actually a girl, and they are likely to have it figured out within a week (if they didn’t already know). It may feel like five is too young to introduce these concepts, but that’s when they are starting to solidify their ideas of gender. If you teach them about gender identity and expression at a young age, they’ll have a much easier time understanding and adapting as they get older and they encounter people who are trans or gender non-conforming. 

What if I get something wrong?

I will warn you: no matter how hard you try, no matter how careful you are, you will get something wrong. I am confident that there is something in this post that is wrong, disrespectful to someone, not inclusive enough. That’s okay. We’re all learning. Don’t get discouraged when you make a mistake. 

I will leave you with a request. The next time you encounter a situation where someone is using the wrong pronouns or name for someone, correct them. Make the world a bit better and a bit safer for a trans person. They deserve it. 

*Today’s Guest Blogger is Paul. Paul is a proud father of two kids, one boy and one transgender-girl

The post Understanding the Importance of Gender Pronouns; And What to Do if You Get It Wrong appeared first on The Mabelhood.