You don’t need to train for a marathon. You don’t need to lose the baby weight. You don’t need to make perfect meals every day, and you are most certainly allowed to make mistakes.

These are a few realistic goals that might help you feel good about your parenting in 2024.

• Give up the mom guilt.

  I did this five kids ago because guilt did not serve me. It is not proactive and reliving something I feel bad for over and over in my head is not helpful. Instead, just apologize, learn and move on. It also teaches your kids that mistakes are OK and normalizes apologies.

• Do something for you.

  It doesn’t have to be huge, but it does show your family that you value yourself and your time. They might just need this reminder.

• Boundaries and Battles.
  

  You can say NO to your kids, colleagues and your spouse. You may even need to set some phone boundaries. I know as parents we sometimes worry about being on our phones too much. There are apps that can help with that. When considering your boundaries and battles, ask yourself “Is this the hill I want to die on?” Don’t worry if you don’t nail it – you can change and adjust your boundaries and battles to pick any time they are not working for you.

• Curate your social media.

  If you find yourself comparing yourself for others and it’s negatively impacting you, unfollow and block those accounts. Maybe someone makes parenting look to easy. Maybe they complain about parenting too much. Clean house on your social media accounts. Your mental health is worth it.

• Stop complaining.

  No one wants to hear how busy or tired you are. Tired? Make a change so you get more rest. A parent who complains will have kids who whine. Role-model the behaviour you want to see in your children. I’m not talking about being toxically positive – I’m talking about taking control of your mindset.

These too much?  That’s OK!  Maybe your resolution is to not have one. You are in the trenches and might not need the weight a resolution. Reject the resolution tradition if it’s not for you right now. Trust me – the time will come when things calm down and that’s when you can start training for that marathon. Or not.

The post Realistic Resolutions for Busy Parents appeared first on The Mabelhood.

My kids are older and mostly non-believers now, though some will never admit it. Having gone through it six times with each of my children, I’ve learned a few things over the years about dealing with the sadness over Santa Claus.

How to handle the Santa talk – each child is different!

Depending on your kid, the timing of what and when they start questioning Santa can differ greatly. Some don’t question Santa for a very long time, I had that child. He’s on the autism spectrum and takes things literally. To his mind – mom says there’s a Santa, there IS a Santa. He got to the age where his peers no longer believed, and I was horrified at the thought of him trying to convince them otherwise at recess. So, I sat him down and told him the truth. His response was “what else are you lying to me about?” Ouch, it hurt, but it was a fair question.

How to respond when your child questions Santa

When your child starts to question the existence of Santa, it’s essential to approach the situation with care and empathy. Firstly, it’s important to listen to your child’s doubts and concerns without judgment or ridicule. Ultimately, it’s up to you as a parent to decide how to handle the situation, it may depend on their age, social situation, etc. As a parent, you know best. The key is to approach it with sensitivity and understanding.

Find the right time to talk to your child about Santa

The timing of talking about the existence of Santa is paramount for some kids. Timing is so important with this, and if you must ruin Christmas for a child, as I did – do it off-season! I highly suggest making it a June conversation and not a December one. That way, by the time Christmas rolls around, your child will have had enough time to digest and process the news so it won’t completely ruin their holiday season.

Make your kid an ally – so when they no longer believe in Santa they still believe in the Christmas Spirit!

Because I have so many kids, I didn’t want the biggie kids exposing an early truth to the little ones and I wanted to find a way for them to still be in on the fun. I found the best way to prevent that from happening was to turn my kid into an ally. By giving the big kids some Santa responsibilities, I made them feel like they were a part of the Christmas magic. I put them in charge of the Elf on the Shelf (which was perfect because I ALWAYS forget to move the guy, anyways), I had them wrap presents, help shop, stuff stockings, and basically take on the role of Santa’s “hype man”.

Look on the bright side

Watching our kids grow up more every Christmas is fun and heartbreaking all at once. We eventually shift from telling them they can’t wake us up before 7 AM on Christmas morning, to forcing them out of bed at 11 AM. Things change so much, but ultimately each age is a gift that’s better than any Christmas present. Enjoy the magic while it’s there, but try and enjoy the non-believing years, too! They’re special for their own reasons.

Admittedly, I find Christmas pretty easy now that I don’t have a bunch of believers. I don’t have to use different wrapping paper for “Santa” gifts and “parent” gifts and besides, trying to change my handwriting on gift labels was never my strong suit. Ultimately, the realization of the Santa myth is the time when kids really get to learn that Christmas is about more than presents. This new phase is the door opening for different kinds of traditions and valuable lessons, and that in itself is a beautiful thing.

For more, read My Kids Still Believe in Santa

The post What To Do When Your Kids Stop Believing in Santa appeared first on The Mabelhood.

In fact, to those people, I say, get over it.

It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that Halloween is just for little kids. But the truth is, teenagers are still growing up and exploring their identities. Dressing up in costumes and going door-to-door for treats is a fun and harmless way for them to do just that. And let’s face it, who doesn’t love a good piece of candy?

Of course, there are some concerns that come with older kids trick-or-treating. Some worry that they might be too scary or intimidating to younger children. Others are concerned that teens might be disruptive or cause damage to property; from what I know of the teens who come through my house daily, these fears are unfounded.

First, not all teens are scary or intimidating. In fact, many of them choose costumes that are fun or silly rather than spooky. And even if they do opt for a scarier look, it’s important to remember that Halloween is all about playing pretend. Just because someone is dressed as a zombie or a vampire doesn’t mean they are actually dangerous.

Here are a few things to remember about tweens and teens going out for Halloween:

-We adults spend so much time complaining about how quickly kids grow up, and then when they try to have fun trick-or-treating, we berate them for it.

-Hormones do crazy things. You can have a 12-year-old who looks like a Man-Boy at your door because he’s tall and needs a shave. But really, it’s hard to tell how old these kids are. Before we get all judgmental, we need to remember that tweens and teens come in all shapes and sizes.

-And speaking about being judgmental, many bigger kids in the special needs community love Halloween. You don’t know much about the kids who come to your door, so don’t assume they’re being greedy. They may just be special kids enjoying the fun.

-Is it really that painful to hand over a fun-sized chocolate bar? Is it really worth all the stress and negativity for the price of a lollipop? Just smile and hand over the candy.

-Every kid out there trick-or-treating has their own parents. Let that kid’s parents worry about whether their kids are too old to participate. You don’t have to make it your business.

What to consider if your teens want to trick-or-treat:

If your teen has approached you and said they want to trick-or-treat and you’re feeling a little skeptical, there are a few questions you need to ask yourself:

-You know your kid best. Are they a troublemaker? If your kid has no history of mischief or bad behavior, then let them have fun!

-It’s probably more likely that they’re just trying to hang onto a fun tradition they enjoyed as a kid.  We all complain that kids grow up too fast; they may feel this, too.

-Find out who they’re going with, and if there are no red flags, then allow them to have fun!

-Make sure you know who they are with and where they’ll be. (Here are some great safety tips for teens and tweens).

Of course, that’s not to say there aren’t some guidelines teens should follow when going trick-or-treating.

Here are some tips for your tweens and teens to remember when heading out trick-or-treating:

-Try to avoid overly scary or violent costumes. Never purposely jump out or spook others.

-Be respectful of younger children and not push past them in line; what a great opportunity to be a good role model!

-If they’re going out in a group, it’s important to be mindful of their behavior and not do anything that might appear intimidating. Smaller groups are probably best.

-Just because you can stay out later doesn’t mean you should. Once the streets start to clear and parents turn off lights it’s time to go. Many households are struggling to get little ones to sleep, and they won’t appreciate you ringing the doorbell past 9 p.m.

Halloween is a chance for them to be creative and express themselves, and it’s a fun way to bond with friends and family and be a part of their community. Plus, with so many other pressures and stresses in their lives, it’s nice to have a night where they can just let loose and have some offline fun. Instead of judging others, let’s focus on having fun and spreading some spooky holiday cheer.

Whether they’re young or old, scary or silly, let’s give them a reason to smile and enjoy the night. After all, it’s just candy.

A version of this post originally appeared on yummymummyclub.ca  

The post When Are Kids Too Old for Trick-or-Treating? appeared first on The Mabelhood.

Remember that Cesareans don’t get harder every time

My experience is that each one is unique, as is recovery. My worst recovery was after my fourth. The fifth and sixth were okay! So, if you had a tough recovery the first time, don’t be too worried that you’ll have the same experience in subsequent Cesareans

Get out of bed!

I found that the sooner I got out of bed after the surgery, the better my recovery was. I thought my nurse was very mean for forcing me out of bed when I was in pain, but she saved me a lot of pain later. Be gentle with yourself, but do try to get moving as soon as possible.

Don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself

Every time I went for a Cesarean, the surgical team wanted to put the catheter in BEFORE I had the spinal. I advocated strongly to have that order switched around and I’m glad I did! Don’t be afraid to speak up!

Prep your big kids

Prep your other kids. When you are recovering from a Cesarean, you can’t be lifting toddlers into cribs and car seats. Pull out the step stools and train them before baby comes. Get good at ignoring messes. You do not have to pick-up that laundry basket on the way up the stairs. Ignore it. Recovery is more important than a tidy house. Don’t be afraid to get help: accept meals, allow people to take your other children for the day and take up every kind offer that comes your way!

Make a plan to calm your nerves

I don’t blame you! Talk to your medical professionals and get their opinions. Before I was pregnant with my sixth, I had a consult to see what kind of shape my uterus was in, what the plan would be if I went into labour and discussed risks. All worked out just fine.

Ideally, I would have loved it if my babies were not surgically extracted from my uterus, but that was not in the cards for me. At the end of the day, I’m just happy that my six children arrived safely and lovingly into this crazy world.

The post Here’s What I’ve Learned After Six C-Sections appeared first on The Mabelhood.

The personality of the new parents.

If mom is the sentimental type, you may look at a more traditional gift or keepsake. If she’s the fashionista Instagram mom, cute matching outfits will be loved. The more practical moms (raises hand) might rather have everyone pitch in for a good stroller, a baby carrier, or even cases of diapers!  

Never underestimate the gift of help!

As a mom of six, the more children I had, the less actual “gifts” I wanted. The best “presents” were people taking my toddlers and pre-schoolers to the park to let me have some time alone with the baby. My friend recently had triplets and I set up a meal train. A meal was dropped to her house every night for three months. She said having dinner served during that newborn phase with triplets was like a wish come true.

Think beyond the infant stage.
 
Parents sometimes forget to think beyond the baby phase. Infants are tiny for about FIVE MINUTES! Think about what products and clothing items you might want when they are 18 months old. Investigate what friends with older babies and children are using. Often parents are overwhelmed with gifts for the first 6 months, but after that find themselves without the essentials they need.

Your own go-to’s

Moms make the best recommendations! I know some of my favourite products came at the advice of other moms in my village. If you have a go-to item, you can’t live without buy it for a new mom and let them know how much you love yours! I recently purchased a Stokke Tripp Trapp Chair for a new mom. My kids STILL use theirs as tweens and teens!  

Stay safe by buying a gift from into one of these safe categories: 

• Essentials

Curate a baby medicine kit, lots of new parents overlook simple drug store items that will be a lifesaver in those first couple of months. Fill a basket or storage container with essential items like a baby thermometer, vapor rub, baby sunscreen, Vaseline, baby powder, nasal aspirator, teething medicine, wipes, and liquid vitamin drops. 

• Personalized

If the new parents already know the name of their child, gift them with these fun personalized rainbow crayons. These can act as décor in the nursery at first, and then when the child is ready to start using them. And of course, baby will be going to daycare in the blink of an eye, so Mabel’s Labels is a must have.

• Unique 

It’s never too early to start sharing the love of reading with child. Fill a basket with books from a variety of topics. These can vary from fairy tales, poetry, science to social justice, and the classics like Goodnight Moon and The Giving Tree. A very special book I recently discovered is Words of Wonder which is perfect for new parent and baby. In each book, write a note to the baby with words of encouragement or life advice that relate to the book’s message. These books will help fill the shelves of their first library, and they will also act as words of encouragement and wisdom as the little one grows up.  

And most importantly…

Whatever gift I give, I insist that mom just thank me verbally and NOT send a “thank you” card. Letting a tired new mom off the hook for some of the traditional etiquette is a gift in itself. Above all, I support mama taking time for a nap instead of writing “thank you” cards!  Let me know your perfect baby shower gift! 

You can never go wrong with this Baby Shower Label Gift Pack!

The post The Perfect Baby Shower Gift: What to Consider appeared first on The Mabelhood.

Going to high school parent teacher interviews wearing my pants inside out AND backwards.

I remembered it was interview night about 10 minutes before my first appointment, so that is probably another fail and could explain my outfit. The MOMENT I walk in my house from the outside world, I immediately take off my “hard pants” (also known as jeans) and put on my track pants. I quickly threw on some cargo pants, and well, you know how that landed.

“I’m not a regular mom, I’m a cool mom.”

My teens held a Hallowe’en party, so it only made sense that I wear the costume of Regina George’s mom from Mean Girls. It was a pink velour track suit. The problem being, of course, that it is extremely comfortable. So I wear it outside of Hallowe’en and in public. Hallowe’en not needed.

The “Champagne Birthday”

My third child turned 20 this year on the twentieth of November. When their older sister turned eight on the eighth of March many years ago, we celebrated this champagne birthday with a trip to NYC. For this child, I completely forgot. I have a friend who has a child born on the same day of the same year, so I was excitedly “liking” their celebrations without connecting the dots that it meant my child also had a special birthday. It took me three days before I realized. Welcome to middle child life.

I’m sure there are many, many more, but we like to take this opportunity to laugh and recognize that moms are not perfect. I’m OK with my fails and can only imagine what they will be in the upcoming year. I often joke that I gave up “mom guilt” four kids ago. We have to allow our kids to laugh at us and laugh at ourselves.

For my other mom fails check out these from 2018, 2019, 2020 and 2021

The post Julie Cole’s 2022 Mom Fails appeared first on The Mabelhood.

TIME 

Time is precious, and moms don’t have enough of it. So how can you give her time? There are several ways:

1. A meal service. Take a task away from her or make it easier. I recently had a HelloFresh box arrive at my house and I couldn’t have been happier. All the ingredients and easy to follow recipes made for a meal that my entire family loved. If you have not considered this service, now’s the time. This busy mama’s quality of life increased significantly once I discovered HelloFresh
2. A cleaning service. Although keeping the house clean should be a family affair, the stress of it often lands on mom. Buying a family gift of having a cleaning service during and/or after the holiday season will take the stress out of entertaining and give the entire family more time to spend together.
3. Babysitting coupon. Moms want to get out, often with their spouses. Offer a busy mom friend in your life an evening of babysitting so she can remember what it’s like to go on a date again.

ADVENTURE

Sometimes being a mom can be a little, let’s say, monotonous. Give mom that rush of excitement that comes with adventure. You might want to consider these gifts mom really wants:

1. A gift certificate for travel. Does Mom have a group of girlfriends she’d love to have a weekend away with? Help make that happen. She needs the break and finding adventure with her gal pals will be good for her soul.
2. A bucket-list activity. How about an activity you’ve heard her say “I wish” about? Maybe it is taking a dance class, going skydiving or learning to play hockey. Every mom has something she’d like to try.

PLEASURE

1. Wine subscription. Is the mom in your life a lover of wine? Silly question – of course she is! ED Wine is a monthly wine subscription of four sommelier curated wines. Each wine comes with a write-up about it to help you learn and explore your tastes. No pretension, just the enjoyment of the simple pleasure wine offers. Search your area for a similar service.
2. Spa gift certificate. Does mom love a day at the spa or going for a massage? Gift certificates are easy to get and much appreciated for moms who need to wind down after a busy holiday season.
3. Retail gift certificate. Does mom have a hard time spending money on the things she loves? If mom has a favorite clothing or jewelry shop, treat her to a gift certificate so she can spoil herself instead of the children for once. I know whenever a gift certificate for my favourite store turns up (Joelle’s), I’m one happy mama!

If you’re more into getting her a traditional gift that can be wrapped and placed under the tree, I suggest going for a secret wish-list item. Sometimes a mama just has a random thing she wants, but probably wouldn’t ask for. Figure out what that is and surprise her. This year, I’d love to find a pair of Mukluks under the tree for me. If that happens, it will truly be a Christmas miracle!

Show Mom that she is not forgotten this holiday season by giving her meaningful gifts that will always be remembered: The gifts of time, adventure and pleasure!  Here are some other important ways you can help out moms this Holiday season.

The post What Moms Really Want For Christmas appeared first on The Mabelhood.

Value them

I don’t think we have to make our kids feel like they are the most extraordinary creatures that ever existed. Instead, we should have conversations and show that we value them for who they are and what they’re passionate about. But, again, it doesn’t have to be spectacular. They are just humans – as incredible and, at times, less than exciting as being a human can be.

It reminds me of something my Grandma said to all of us. Grandma was supportive and wanted us all to be confident yet humble. One of her regular expressions was “you’re as good as the rest of them and better than none.” It was powerful. We are worthy and smart and special. But so is everyone else.

The best gift you can give

I have a distinct memory of feeling like my dad didn’t give me due credit and praise. I was finishing high school, and we were at my commencement ceremony. My peers had voted me Valedictorian. My speech was greeted with a standing ovation. As I crossed the stage to get my high school diploma, it was announced that I was awarded many things – scholarships, awards, and plaques. I looked out to the crowd and saw my dad’s face. He was beaming and had his little subtle smile. Afterward, my dad was weighed down during the social gathering, carrying all of my awards and achievements. I knew he was proud of me, but he didn’t say it. A couple of days later, I called him on it. I asked why he didn’t tell me I had done well and was proud of me. He said this: “Jules, you know I’m proud of you. But the best gift I can give a kid like you is to keep you humble. That is my goal as the parent of you”. It made sense to me, even as a teenager.

Our society rewards certain achievements. I have benefitted from that. As the parent of several kids who are exceptional in ways that are not always awarded, their achievements are just as meaningful. Remind your kids of that.

How do you tell your kids they are awesome, while keeping them humble?

The post Keeping our Kids Humble appeared first on The Mabelhood.

Here are a few things I learned from covid:

No point in pointing fingers:

When the first kid in our family tested positive, the siblings turned into detectives in hopes of discovering who the original source was. Their witch-hunt came up empty, and no one could be burned at the stake for being “Patient Zero”. Our family followed all the protocols and did nothing wrong.  I understand wanting to know the source to mitigate spread, but if it’s motivated by wanting to place blame, don’t waste your time.

Kids have spent two years being trained to be scared:

It’s no wonder that when a family member tests positive, kiddo hysteria sets in. Children have missed school, activities and taken many measures to avoid being infected. So, it should have been no surprise that I heard things like “I don’t want my family to die!” and “I don’t want us to all end up in hospital!” On top of hysteria, you also get the hypochondria. Every sneeze becomes a Covid symptom. You know how when one of your kids has head lice and your scalp suddenly becomes itchy? Yes, apply that theory to Covid symptoms.

Try your best to keep it one step at a time. We can’t promise our kids things we can’t guarantee, but we can manage their fears by keeping in the moment and not over-thinking about the “what-ifs”

How do parents “isolate” from sick kids?

This may not be popular, but when your kids are sick, how is it even possible to not cuddle and comfort them? I’m not sure how realistic that mandate is. I’m more willing to get sick myself, than leave my kids alone when feeling unwell. This could explain why I’ve been puked on so many times.

What’s the right thing to do? Bring back the “Chicken Pox Party”?

Some of my kids were away when Covid hit the homefront. I was tempted to have them return home and just throw it back to the classic 1970s Chicken Pox Party. That was me waving the white flag and admitting defeat – and it made sense for my big family. BUT, with one teen anxiously counting down the days for her driving test appointment, she was not risking having to cancel. As such, we did the daunting task of separating the siblings.  

The biggest win for families beyond recovering from this nasty bug, is surviving isolation without killing each other. Stay safe out there!

The post Four Lessons I Learned When Covid Turned Up appeared first on The Mabelhood.

As my children get older, I find some of my “Mom Fails” are more like “Mom Trolls.” Those of you who have teenagers can surely appreciate and relate to how easy and enjoyable it is to see them cringe. This year it is a mix of “whoopsies” and cringe-worthy moments.

Accidentally letting the 12-year-old watch Sex Education.

If you have not seen this series yet, it’s pretty racy at times. I thought I’d go to sleep watching the last few episodes of the first season. I promptly fell asleep, to which my friends commented, “only Julie could fall asleep during Sex Education!”

Regardless, once I dozed off, 12-year-old Fin crawled into bed with me and proceeded to watch the last three episodes. When morning came, I was greeted with “Mom! You are NEVER going to believe what happened in the final episode of Sex Education!”  

Oh, and I did it again in the series “You,” which is about a stalker/killer. Again, not for the eyes of a 12-year-old.

The near OD

I always believed you could not OD on Vitamin C. With all the colds going around, and in this pandemic climate – I encouraged my kids to be downing little tablets of vitamin C. I relayed that they’d urinate out anything the body didn’t require. My teen clearly has trust issues, so they took to doing some research and forwarded me this:

“Yes, you can. Many people assume that since vitamin C is a water-soluble vitamin, you can never take too much of it. Their reasoning is that you’ll essentially just pee out any excess. Although this is true, if you take more than the amount your body can excrete, it will not go over well. Side effects include nausea and diarrhea – two things any sane person should avoid.”

Besties

My 16-year-old asked me to hold her butterfly necklace during her hockey game. I agreed then proceeded to lose it. Because she had bought her BFF the same one to give her at an upcoming birthday, I had to order my kid one, so the girls had matching butterfly necklaces. Fair enough – I ordered another one, and the two friends are happily matching.

Funny turn of events – I found the original butterfly necklace, and now I wear it too. The girls love when I tell them how much I love being a part of their “bestie trio,” and I will always treasure my butterfly necklace. You can actually feel their rage, and it’s awesome. 

Speaking of Besties

A few weeks ago, I went to brunch and ran into a few of my teen daughter’s besties. So, of course, I sat down with them and took a selfie. I sent this to my daughter. Her reaction says everything. 

My Elf Efforts 

My kids are done with the Elf, but I have a niece who lives two doors down and comes over every day to see where our Elf is. So, we’re not entirely off the hook for elf hiding duties just yet. After hiding the Elf the other day, my son texted me this message. Clearly, I’m also an “Aunt Fail.”

There is another year of parenting in the books with wins, losses, laughter, and tears! I hope you all survived this tricky year with your kiddos and are looking forward to more fun and shenanigans in 2022!

The post Mom Fails 2021; Trolling My Teens and Other Parenting Mishaps appeared first on The Mabelhood.